In many countries, governments spemd large amounts of money on the arts and this is supported by some taxpayers as worthwhile. Others, however think that this money would be better spent on health and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these opinions? Discuss, based on your knowledge and experience.

It is true that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the government's funds play a crucial role in every
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
. In many nations,
arts
are received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
large funds from the government, and
this
money
is collected from the
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
while
others say that
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
and
health
sectors
are needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
more
money
to improve and
arts
Change the noun form
art
show examples
money
would
Verb problem
should
show examples
be spent on
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
Sectors
. I strongly agree with
this
statement for the following reasons. To commence with,
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
and
health
sectors
would be improved by the ministry'
spends
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
more
money
on
arts
, that funds should be received to develop these
sectors
because numerous poor
people
do not have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
fundamental amenities to get that.
For example
,
arts
are gotten
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
more
money
from the ministry, but
minimum
Correct article usage
the minimum
show examples
pesme only
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
benefits from it,
in contrast
,
health
care receives
bulk
Add an article
the bulk
a bulk
show examples
amount of
capitals
Fix the agreement mistake
capital
show examples
, they can buy modern
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
, buildings and laboratories in order to the population
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get a better medical care facilities. Ergo, a large fund would be spent on
health
sectors
rather than
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
.
Furthermore
,
money
should be spent on
education
fields
instead
of
arts
, which
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
are common
people
, So all
people
will get benefits from
besides
arts
belongs to a minimum group of
people
only use it.
For instance
, many
countryside's
Change noun form
countryside
show examples
human beings
are Suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
to get
basic
Correct article usage
a basic
show examples
education
, so,
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
money
would be
improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
their school's facilities namely, & qualified teachers, modernized classrooms and free materials.
Hence
, villager's literacy natio might be increased. In conclusion,
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
and
health
sectors
would be developed by the
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
money
rather than
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
because
education
and healthcare
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
two are the fundamental requirements and
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
of utmost importance. in order
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
all
people
will get
Verb problem
to
show examples
benefit's
Change noun form
benefit
show examples
from it
along
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with
villager's
Change noun form
villagers'
show examples
literacy
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
also
improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
.
Therefore
, I firmly agree with
this
statement in the above-mentioned details. I hope
this
will bring more
beneficial
Replace the word
benefits
show examples
to society.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity
To enhance clarity, rephrase sentences to make them simpler and clearer. Avoid overly complex structures that might confuse the reader.
coherence
Ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea and develop it thoroughly before moving on to the next point.
development
Incorporate more precise and relevant examples to support your arguments. This strengthens your points and makes them more persuasive.
grammar
Check for grammatical accuracy and rectify minor errors, which will help improve readability and professionalism.
clarity
You have a clear stance on the issue and you've presented distinct arguments to support your view.
structure
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps frame your argument effectively.
completeness
Your essay addresses the task and covers the main aspects of the question, providing a balanced discussion of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: