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Band 6

«Some people believe that young people should choose the jobs that they want, but often people think they should be more realistic, and think more about their future. Discuss both views a give own opinion.»

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Introduction
Choosing a
profession
Use synonyms
 can be a difficult task. And
people
Use synonyms
’s opinions are divided into two sides. Some
people
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 believe in the
job
Use synonyms
 that they want,
however
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 think they should be more realistic and think more about their
future
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the choice of
profession
Use synonyms
 affects a person's
future
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, he must choose what he wants to work as. Because if he gets the
job
Use synonyms
 he wants, he will work hard and become the best in that field.
Body paragraph 1
A
profession
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 is a choice of our
future
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when choosing a
job
Use synonyms
, we must be careful. If a person chooses a
profession
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 without thinking about
future
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 development,
then
Linking Words
 he can lose time spent on another, not worthwhile
profession
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, These days,
people
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, who achieve success, choose a realistic
profession
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it’s important to opt career by looking at the
future
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, nowadays teenagers are encouraged to choose jobs
according to
Linking Words
 their interests. Because, if
people
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 opt for the
job
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, which they want, they will enjoy the process.
For example
Linking Words
, It is proven that
people
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, who choose the
profession
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 of their dreams, are happier. A dream
job
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 motivates young
people
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 to work more and better.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 choosing a
profession
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thinking
Correct word choice
and thinking
show examples
 about the
future
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 is more successful, choosing a career based on your dreams is better because you will be happier. Despite a high salary and prestigious
job
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, a person should choose a
job
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 in which he is interested
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since the main thing is not the result, the main thing is the process. I personally think that teenagers should choose their jobs
according to
Linking Words
 their interests.

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coherence cohesion
To strengthen Coherence and Cohesion, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, maintaining a clear line of reasoning. For example, the connection between selecting a job and job satisfaction could be further explored for logical flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
For Task Achievement, adding more diverse or specific examples would enhance the argument. Consider including examples of real-life cases where choosing a dream job leads to high satisfaction, or conversely, how focusing on future prospects might ensure stability.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion, reinforcing the main themes of the essay. This provides a clear resolution to your argument.
complete response
The essay clearly addresses both sides of the argument as per the task requirement, providing a balanced perspective.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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