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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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In the contemporary era,
music
 plays a key role in
people
’s lives, and some believe it can build stronger connections between various cultures and age groups. From my perspective, I agree with
this
 viewpoint. There are several reasons why
music
 can influence relationships.
First,
in today’s digital age, individuals have ready access to
music
 through platforms like YouTube, streaming apps, and TV.
This
 frequent exposure means
people
 can listen to
music
 from different cultures, fostering a sense of global cohesion.
Additionally
, globalization has made it easier to appreciate
music
 in different languages, regardless of where one lives.
Furthermore
, many studies have shown that
people
 often choose
music
 as a conversation starter with those from other countries because it is a common hobby worldwide.
For instance
, Taylor Swift’s concerts attract fans from various cities and age groups, creating instant connections and a sense of identity among attendees, even if they did not know each other beforehand.
However
, it is undeniable that
music
 may not always be an effective tool for bringing
people
 together. Some individuals may not be interested in
music
, making it difficult to use it as a means of connection. Despite
this
, most
people
 have a passion for
music
 and enjoy a wide range of genres, from K-pop to British rock and Chinese songs.
This
 promotes cultural understanding and exchange, facilitating easier interactions. In conclusion,
while
 some
people
 may not be fond of
music
, many individuals enjoy it.
Therefore
, I believe that
music
 can foster relationships among
people
 of various cultural backgrounds and ages.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task and includes an introduction and conclusion, aiding overall coherence. To improve further, try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of the essay is good, but it could be enhanced by more varied sentence structures and clearer transitions between paragraphs. This would help to better connect ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, presenting a clear thesis and relevant points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured and contribute to the overall clarity of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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