Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. While other people think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion

For the increase in obesity among
kids
, some people blame their
parents
,
while
others are of the thought that the
government
is liable for
this
. My opinion would coincide with the former set of people, as
early-nutritional
Correct your spelling
early nutritional
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decisions lie with
parents
.
Also
, children often learn eating habits from their
parents
.
Firstly
, it is no science that
parents
are the primary
care-takers
Correct your spelling
caretakers
show examples
for their
kids
in most households. Toddlers often have no decisive power as to what they would eat. With
this
in regard, if a
kid
is obese, it certainly raises questions
on
Change preposition
about
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the
parents
for not paying attention to their dietary
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
.
Secondly
,
kids
pick up habits in their early ages of development mostly from the people they are around.
Parents
munching on deep-fried, oily, and unhealthy snacks is not a great sight for a
kid
to adore. Obviously, diet decisions for a
kid
also
depends
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depend
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on the affluence of a family, but parental negligence can make
such
a home, an unhealthy space for a
kid
to grow
,
Change preposition
up, thus
show examples
thus
making them obese. Arguably, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity among
kids
is widespread in a certain state or country, it can be tagged as the
government
's failure to curb unhealthy food.
This
is because
,
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apply
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they do have regulations that can prevent unhealthy fast-food
sale
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sales
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surges in the country. Often
government
is notoriously known for linking with corporations to promote food that
kids
shouldn't be consuming until they reach a certain age.
Such
a profit-driven notion among a nation's driving force results in the younger population getting adversely affected by early body fat deposits. In conclusion, a country's
government
can disrupt a child's nutrition, making them overweight. But,
I
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
my opinion, it is definitely a parent's responsibility to ensure that their
kid
eats healthy enough. If guardians and
parents
take a vow to be a personal
pediatrician
Change the spelling
paediatrician
show examples
for their
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
, children will grow into strong and healthy adults, avoiding the misery of obesity.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
Maintain a balance between the discussion of both sides of the argument. While you clearly state your opinion, make sure to equally consider and give weight to the government's role in obesity too.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the clarity of your arguments by using clear and logical connectors. This will strengthen the logical flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introductory statement and a strong conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint effectively.
complete response
Your essay is comprehensive and addresses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirement well.
clear comprehensive ideas
You have clearly articulated your points and provided reasonable explanations for your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

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  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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