Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. While other people think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion

#people #government #rise #obesity #children #fault #parents #side

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For the increase in obesity among

kids

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, some people blame their

parents

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while

Linking Words

others are of the thought that the

government

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is liable for

this

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. My opinion would coincide with the former set of people, as

early-nutritional

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early nutritional

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decisions lie with

parents

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Also

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, children often learn eating habits from their

parents

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Firstly

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, it is no science that

parents

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are the primary

care-takers

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caretakers

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for their

kids

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in most households. Toddlers often have no decisive power as to what they would eat. With

this

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in regard, if a

kid

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is obese, it certainly raises questions

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about

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the

parents

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for not paying attention to their dietary

wellbeing

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well-being

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Secondly

Linking Words

kids

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pick up habits in their early ages of development mostly from the people they are around.

Parents

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munching on deep-fried, oily, and unhealthy snacks is not a great sight for a

kid

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to adore. Obviously, diet decisions for a

kid

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also

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depends

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depend

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on the affluence of a family, but parental negligence can make

such

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a home, an unhealthy space for a

kid

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to grow

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up, thus

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thus

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making them obese. Arguably, if

the

Correct article usage

apply

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obesity among

kids

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is widespread in a certain state or country, it can be tagged as the

government

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's failure to curb unhealthy food.

This

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is because

Remove the comma

apply

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they do have regulations that can prevent unhealthy fast-food

sale

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sales

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surges in the country. Often

government

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is notoriously known for linking with corporations to promote food that

kids

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shouldn't be consuming until they reach a certain age.

Such

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a profit-driven notion among a nation's driving force results in the younger population getting adversely affected by early body fat deposits. In conclusion, a country's

government

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can disrupt a child's nutrition, making them overweight. But,

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my opinion, it is definitely a parent's responsibility to ensure that their

kid

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eats healthy enough. If guardians and

parents

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take a vow to be a personal

pediatrician

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paediatrician

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for their

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kid

Fix the agreement mistake

kids

show examples

, children will grow into strong and healthy adults, avoiding the misery of obesity.

Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on Thu Jul 11 2024

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task achievement

Maintain a balance between the discussion of both sides of the argument. While you clearly state your opinion, make sure to equally consider and give weight to the government's role in obesity too.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the clarity of your arguments by using clear and logical connectors. This will strengthen the logical flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.

introduction conclusion present

The essay provides a clear introductory statement and a strong conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint effectively.

complete response

Your essay is comprehensive and addresses both sides of the argument, fulfilling the task requirement well.

clear comprehensive ideas

You have clearly articulated your points and provided reasonable explanations for your views.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

320 words

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Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. While other people think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both side and give your opinion

Fully explain your ideas

More and more tasks we do at home and at work these days are by robots. Is this a positive or negative trend?

For centuries, important parts of education have remained, such as reading, writing and maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skills be made us a fourth skill to be added to the list. To what extent do you agree?

Do you agree that supermarkets are a threat to small shops and local communities?

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and families. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Computer games and films containing violence are popular today. Some people think that these are harmful for our society and the government should ban them. Other argue that such games and films are fine for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.