IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Globalisation
Use synonyms
 has gained momentum in the
last
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 century and there is no sign of its
stopage
Correct your spelling
stoppage
storage
 soon. It has connected countries and
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 trade and population, making a better
world
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.
However
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, some
people
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are opposing
Wrong verb form
oppose
show examples
 it, they are considered
as
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conservatives. Though I am sympathetic to their arguments, I believe they are
obstracting
Correct your spelling
obstructing
abstracting
 the betterment of our society. In
this
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 essay, I will justify my statement.
Globalisation
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 has opened up the
world
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, creating new opportunities for
people
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 around the globe. It has allowed riches from one part of the
world
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 to improve the lives of the
people
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 from opposite
end
Fix the agreement mistake
ends
show examples
.
For instance
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, companies
such
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 as Apple and Nike have been manufacturing their products in China for quite some
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
,
as a result
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor Chinese
people
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 can get a better salary and work environment if compared with the local companies.
Additionally
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,
due to
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 the fact that, if produced in The United States or in Europe, these products would be way more
expansive
Correct your spelling
expensive
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.
This
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 is another benefit provided by
globalisation
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, as it provides us
better
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with better
show examples
 quality
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 at affordable prices. On the contrasting end, the critics who are against it, their main concern is the decreasing diversity and variety among many cultures. As
people
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 are getting connected, the
world
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 is becoming smaller as well.
As a result
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 , there is a constant clash between traditions, cultures and languages.
For example
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, English has become to language used by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most nations, as it has been the language of trade for so many years, resulting in the extinction of many local languages.
To conclude
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,
globalisation
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 has improved our lives by connecting the globe.
Though
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 some
people
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 are not happy about it because of its
aggresive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
 manner. I understand their reasoning,
however
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,
this
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 process
is need
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is needed
show examples
 for the
world
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 to move forward.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a clear response. However, to achieve a higher score, ensure that examples are more detailed and relevant to the argument. For instance, you could elaborate on how globalization specifically benefits a broader range of countries, not just China.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas is generally clear. To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases, and ensure smoother transitions between ideas. For example, use terms like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'In contrast' to connect paragraphs and sentences more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more compelling. Try to hook the reader with a more engaging opening sentence and conclude with a powerful statement that encapsulates your argument. This will leave a stronger impression.
task achievement
The essay successfully outlines both the benefits and drawbacks of globalization, showing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, particularly the ones about Apple and Nike.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a logical structure with clear paragraphs dedicated to different points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • international trade
  • cultural homogenization
  • multinational corporations
  • sustainable development
  • economic disparities
  • technological advancement
  • cultural exchange
  • scrutinize
  • ethics
  • innovation
  • connectivity
  • protectionism
  • outsourcing
  • free market
  • trade liberalization
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