There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
Globalisation
has gained momentum in the last
century and there is no sign of its stopage
soon. It has connected countries and Correct your spelling
stoppage
storage
its
trade and population, making a better Correct pronoun usage
their
world
. However
, some people
are opposing
it, they are considered Wrong verb form
oppose
as
Change preposition
apply
the
conservatives. Though I am sympathetic to their arguments, I believe they are Correct article usage
apply
obstracting
the betterment of our society. In Correct your spelling
obstructing
abstracting
this
essay, I will justify my statement.
Globalisation
has opened up the world
, creating new opportunities for people
around the globe. It has allowed riches from one part of the world
to improve the lives of the people
from opposite end
. Fix the agreement mistake
ends
For instance
, companies such
as Apple and Nike have been manufacturing their products in China for quite some times
, Fix the agreement mistake
time
as a result
, the
poor Chinese Correct article usage
apply
people
can get a better salary and work environment if compared with the local companies. Additionally
, due to
the fact that, if produced in The United States or in Europe, these products would be way more expansive
. Correct your spelling
expensive
This
is another benefit provided by globalisation
, as it provides us better
quality Change preposition
with better
product
at affordable prices.
On the contrasting end, the critics who are against it, their main concern is the decreasing diversity and variety among many cultures. As Fix the agreement mistake
products
people
are getting connected, the world
is becoming smaller as well. As a result
, there is a constant clash between traditions, cultures and languages. For example
, English has become to language used by the
most nations, as it has been the language of trade for so many years, resulting in the extinction of many local languages.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, globalisation
has improved our lives by connecting the globe. Though
some Correct word choice
However
people
are not happy about it because of its aggresive
manner. I understand their reasoning, Correct your spelling
aggressive
however
, this
process is need
for the Change the verb form
is needed
world
to move forward.Submitted by mostakahmedfaysal on
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task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a clear response. However, to achieve a higher score, ensure that examples are more detailed and relevant to the argument. For instance, you could elaborate on how globalization specifically benefits a broader range of countries, not just China.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas is generally clear. To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more varied linking words and phrases, and ensure smoother transitions between ideas. For example, use terms like 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' or 'In contrast' to connect paragraphs and sentences more fluidly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more compelling. Try to hook the reader with a more engaging opening sentence and conclude with a powerful statement that encapsulates your argument. This will leave a stronger impression.
task achievement
The essay successfully outlines both the benefits and drawbacks of globalization, showing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, particularly the ones about Apple and Nike.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows a logical structure with clear paragraphs dedicated to different points.