Some parents buy their children a large number o f toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?
Many parents around the world
loves
to spoil their Change the verb form
love
kids
with many different kinds of playing tools. In my perspective, getting them toys
to play with will actually enhance their creativity and the drawback I see is that it waste
a lot of Correct subject-verb agreement
wastes
money
.
On the one hands
, buying children Fix the agreement mistake
hand
toys
and tools to play with has its own advantages. Firstly
, it is true that through
playing with Change preposition
by
variety
of Add an article
a variety
toys
, kids
imaginary and creative Change noun form
kids'
kid's
mind
will be enhanced. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
Meanwhile
it stimulates the brains of these Add a comma
Meanwhile,
kids
to think of ways to play with the toys
by creating scenarios in their mind. For example
, many children mimic their mother’s daily chores in the kitchen such
as cooking by creating the
situation to play. Correct article usage
a
This
not only creates social bonds with their siblings,
it Add the word(s)
, but
also
bring
parents and children closer together when they play together. Change the verb form
brings
Secondly
, having toys
will helpy
to keep them entertained and Correct your spelling
help
helps
also
reduce screen time tremedously
as studies Correct your spelling
tremendously
has
shown that screen Change the verb form
have
times
has Fix the agreement mistake
time
its
adverse effects Correct pronoun usage
apply
in
Change preposition
on
kids
younger than 5 years old.
On the other hands
, if the Fix the agreement mistake
hand
money
spend
on the Wrong verb form
spent
toys
cost Change noun form
toy's
are
calculated, it would amount to thousands of dollars. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Furthermore
, these are unnecessary expenditure
and Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
instead
the Add a comma
instead,
money
could be saved for emergency fund
for future use. Fix the agreement mistake
funds
Besides
, kids
easily lost
interest and get bored of their Wrong verb form
lose
toys
as they grow contributing more waste.
In conclusion, there are benefits getting
too many Change preposition
to getting
toys
for the kids
as it is good for their brain and social development but it also
has its drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
such
as costing a lot of money
and also
contributing to waste. Rephrase
apply
Therefore
, parents should make smart decision
when Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
gettitn
Correct your spelling
getting
toys
for kids
and how to manage the toys
after the kids
outgrown
the Add a missing verb
have outgrown
toys
.Submitted by coke_sars on
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Grammar
Try to proofread your essay for small grammatical mistakes and typos. Examples include 'loves' instead of 'love' in the introduction. Consistent use of correct grammar will improve the overall readability of your essay.
Content Development
Consider expanding on each main point with more detailed examples or explanations. For instance, you could provide specific examples of studies showing reduced screen time benefits or financial impacts of buying too many toys.
Writing Style
Work on improving sentence variation to avoid repetition and enhance readability. This could involve combining shorter sentences or adjusting their structure.
Structure
Your essay provides a clear structure with a solid introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
Content Relevance
You effectively identified both advantages and disadvantages of buying many toys for children, which addresses the task prompt comprehensively.
Idea Clarity
Your idea of enhancing children’s creativity through toys and the notion of potential financial waste are well-presented and clearly articulated. These points add depth to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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