Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearence. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #success #life #work #determination #factors #money #appearence

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Some individuals believe that to be successful, it is essential to

work

hard with high willpower.

However

, others think that other components,

such

money

and

appearance

play a vital role in

success

in life.

While

I agree that

money

and

appearance

may influence

success

, they are not permanent and crucial compared with hard

work

This

essay will explore several reasons to support

this

perspective.

Firstly

money

and

appearance

are significant factors on the path to

success

. A rich person can easily afford specific needs that require

money

for

success

Likewise

appearance

also

used to achieve some personal interests. A beautiful lady,

for example

, can be a female model easily if she has a nice

appearance

enough.

However

, both

money

and

appearance

are not permanent elements, and there are always risks for individuals to lose them.

Thus

, I agree that these factors are not the most important way to be successful.

Besides

that, I firmly regard hard

work

as the most effective and lasting to achieve something noteworthy in life. Many things in life need effort, and it requires a determination that comes from our will;

therefore

, it is valuable for me.

Moreover

this

effort has a lasting effect that teaches us some insights, so

success

through hard

work

is more crucial and influential.

For instance

, many businessmen come from economically disadvantaged areas and eventually receive high salaries through working hard. In conclusion,

Although

many consider

money

and

appearance

as a key element for

success

, I acknowledge that hard

work

and determination are more influential with lasting impact

while

appearance

and

money

are changeable phenomenons with less teach to a person.

Instead

, I recommend hard

working

Replace the word

work

show examples

which contributes to a person's capacity prevailing.

Submitted by Yasar Khan on Thu Jul 11 2024

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task achievement

Strengthen your main points about hard work and determination with more specific and diverse examples. This will make your argument more comprehensive and compelling.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and connects smoothly with the others. This will improve the overall flow and readability of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Expand your conclusion slightly to better reinforce and synthesize your main arguments. This can leave a stronger impact on the reader.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which adds to the overall coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

The main points are well-supported with relevant examples, which strengthens the task response.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is well-maintained, allowing the reader to follow your argument easily.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearence. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it?

Learning to manage money is one of the key a aspects of adult life. How in your view can individuals best learn to manage their money

Economic growth is one way to measure a country’s success, but what else should we look at? Which do you think is the most important?