IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local person when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In all
countries
Use synonyms
 in the world,
tourist
Replace the word
tourism
show examples
 is an important element for
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 economic in these
countries
Use synonyms
.
Tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
Tourists
show examples
 represent the
visit
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 to
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 places outside their local
countries
Use synonyms
.
Theses
Correct your spelling
These
show examples
 places are the cultural and historical
attractions
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think foreign
visitors
Use synonyms
 should be charged more than local
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 when they
visit
Use synonyms
 the cultural and historical
attractions
Use synonyms
 in a
country
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
the foreign
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
 some money to special agencies
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
visit
Use synonyms
 the most important
attractions
Use synonyms
 in the
country
Use synonyms
. The cost for
this
Linking Words
visit
Use synonyms
 is much higher for the foreign.
Then
Linking Words
, it is interesting to reduce
charges
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the moment of the
visit
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
attractions
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, some
countries
Use synonyms
 made the
visit
Use synonyms
 of the cultural and historical
attractions
Use synonyms
 free for foreign. It is an encouragement to these
people
Use synonyms
 to repeat the
visit
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, the
foreign
Replace the word
foreigners
show examples
 considered the same
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the local
people
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, some local
people
Use synonyms
 in the
country
Use synonyms
proposes
Correct subject-verb agreement
propose
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign
visitors
Use synonyms
 should be charged more when they
visit
Use synonyms
 the cultural and historical
attractions
Use synonyms
 in their
country
Use synonyms
. One foreign has the financial capacity to pay an important cost for the trip and the
visit
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
. For
this
Linking Words
 foreign, it is not difficult to pay more
charges
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 , it is logical that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign
paies
Correct your spelling
pay
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural
attractions
Use synonyms
. For the local
people
Use synonyms
 is free. Personally,
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 of the
country
Use synonyms
 is a result of increasing the number of foreign
visitors
Use synonyms
 and local
visitors
Use synonyms
 to the cultural and historical
attractions
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, it is important to make a reduction of the
charges
Use synonyms
 for the
visit
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 cultural and historical
attractions
Use synonyms
 for both. In sum,
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
 the
visit
Use synonyms
 of cultural and historical
attractions
Use synonyms
 is an important work for the government in all
countries
Use synonyms
 in the world and it is essential to propose a logical some of
charges
Use synonyms
 for local and foreign
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to clearly state your position on the topic, whether you agree or disagree with charging foreign visitors more. This will help readers understand your main argument.
task achievement
Work on providing stronger support and more relevant examples to back up your points, which will make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving your paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph discusses a single main idea. This will help in improving overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to ensure your ideas are clearly and effectively communicated.
structure
Your essay includes a clear introduction and a conclusion, which provides a good overall structure.
evidence
You attempted to provide examples to support your points, which shows an effort to make your argument more persuasive.
task response
The essay tackles the key aspects of the question, indicating a basic understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural exchange
  • economic contribution
  • tourism industry
  • equity
  • fairness
  • local economy
  • revenue allocation
  • economic discrimination
  • preservation
  • maintenance
  • community development
  • pricing strategy
  • perceived fairness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: