IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvatages?

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There is no denying the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical
care
Use synonyms
 is developing every year.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that
people
Use synonyms
 are living longer and,
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy is growing. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 consider that it is a good thing to see our medical
care
Use synonyms
 improving and saving the patients.
To begin
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 with, good health
care
Use synonyms
 ,
longer
Correct word choice
and longer
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life
Use synonyms
.
In other words
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, since
the
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apply
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medical
care
Use synonyms
 is improving
that
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is mean
Wrong verb form
means
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the
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health problems will decrease
approximately
Change preposition
by approximately
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the
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apply
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half of it.
In addition
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, lack of diseases.
For example
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, one of the features of
the
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apply
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medical
care
Use synonyms
 improvement
that
Add a missing verb
is that
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 it is possible to cure the illness
fester
Correct your spelling
faster
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 and easily. Another point to consider, more population. It is possible to say that
long
Correct article usage
a long
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life
Use synonyms
 can lead to
get
Verb problem
apply
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more children and expand the family and that can
also
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 help
the
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apply
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medical
care
Use synonyms
 to develop
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such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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as
Correct word choice
apply
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if the children were interested in
medicin
Correct your spelling
medicine
 or science all the causes can
held
Change the verb form
hold
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 the medical career.
Moreover
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, creating
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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new jobs,
for instance
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 , longer
life
Use synonyms
 can cause unemployment and, to avoid it
people
Use synonyms
 need
to
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apply
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jobs and some of them can be more creative and create a new job which can provide
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
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the
Add the preposition
with the
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 financial
stabillity
Correct your spelling
stability
 and,
also
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 if his project needs employees he can hire some
people
Use synonyms
 and that can
helps
Change the verb form
help
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 with reduce unemployment. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that there is no disadvantage
of
Change preposition
to
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the
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apply
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medical
care
Use synonyms
 improvement it can help
the
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apply
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nations and puts hope in the hearts of suffering families.

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coherence
Try to better structure your ideas into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have a main idea that connects back to your thesis.
support
Work on developing your ideas more fully. Explain each point in further detail and use relevant examples to support your arguments.
clarity
Pay attention to grammatical structures and proofread your work to eliminate small mistakes. This will improve the clarity of your points.
task
The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to address the topic and provides several reasons supporting the advantages of improved medical care.
structure
There is a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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