Task 2 Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree ?
Nowadays, there are many foods and beverages that have high carbohydrate content in them, leading to many diseases
such
as cancer and heart attack. In order to minimize this
, a statement that sweet products should be sold at high prices where the public will avoid purchasing these products. Personally, I disagree with this
statement to some extent which will be discussed below.
On the one hand, the Economy whether for producers or customers will rapidly be impacted by expensive prices of sweeteners, considering the fact that there is a high dependence on sweet consumption wares daily. In this
case, the purchasing power of society will decline over time, contributing a drawback for economic stability and leading to a worse effect such
as redundancy and bankruptcy as a result
of a revenue drop.
On the other hand
, instead
, of establishing high pay for sugary goods, the Government could use wiser methods to encourage its people to consume less Saccarin diet source. A healthy lifestyle could be the best way, where people can avoid the high risk of overconsumption of sugar outputs. Moreover
, producers also
have to educate through regulations, which restrict them from using any kind of sweet synthetic and move to utilize natural sweet tastes from fruits such
as grapes, pears, and many more.
To conclude
, despite what seems like a good solution to encourage people to consume less sugar commodity for their health, it is not really beneficial for either the manufacturer or consumers, leading to economic breaking . Instead
of applying these rules, educate and encourage society, both buyers and makers to adopt healthy lifestyles in all aspects of life. Moving to materials that contain fewer calories and more natural could be better, which could make society healthier and the economy grow continuously.Submitted by k a l l a on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically from one to the next. While the essay overall is cohesive, there were a few instances where transitions could be smoother, and ideas more clearly connected.
task achievement
Expand on how exactly educating the public might be implemented. Additionally, give more specific examples of how natural sweeteners can be incorporated into products. This would lead to a fuller response to the task.
grammar
There were minor grammatical errors such as "Saccarin diet source" which should be "saccharin in their diet" and "sweet synthetic" to "synthetic sweeteners." These do not majorly impact understanding but correcting them will improve the overall quality of your writing.
lexical resource
While your vocabulary is generally strong, strive to use more varied and precise word choices. For instance, "move to utilize" could be simplified to "switch to." This will make your writing more concise and impactful.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized logically with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This structure helps in maintaining coherence.
task achievement
The essay responds to the task prompt comprehensively, presenting both sides of the argument and providing a reasoned personal stance.
grammar
Sentences are generally well-structured and grammatical errors are minimal, making the ideas easy to follow.
lexical resource
Uses a range of vocabulary and phrases effectively, demonstrating good lexical resource. Words like "redundancy," "bankruptcy," and "economic stability" add depth to the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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