Music can be used to connect different people from different age and cultures
Aesthetic is a field of recreation which is a paramount necessity for
the
Correct article usage
apply
human
and Fix the agreement mistake
humans
place
a pivotal role in the human Verb problem
plays
needs'
hierarchy. Change noun form
needs
Thus
,music
to
bears a significant value in Change preposition
apply
the
society, regardless the age or Correct article usage
apply
the
culture. There is a societal debate as some Correct article usage
apply
are claiming
that, Wrong verb form
claim
music
is an ideal mode to gather individuals from any age gap and any cultural background while
,
others Remove the comma
apply
contending
on the opposite side of Wrong verb form
contend
this
notion. I totally agree with the former view and the following paragraphs will illustrate a clear overview on
my opinion .
Usually, Change preposition
of
music
can be recognized as an
universal language which has the possibility of attracting our emotions. In the same way, there are some voices rhythms and melodies which are overwhelmingly beloved by all generations of a society. Eventually, it is conspicuous that, the urgency to gain that pleasure has increased the demand for some Change the article
a
musics
.Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
Therefore
,Correct article usage
an ininnumerable
ininnumerable
amount of listeners Correct your spelling
innumerable
in innumerable
are
eagerly waiting for those events to get that experience more Change the verb form
is
oftenly
. Correct your spelling
often
For example
, there are some occasions we are Indian artists conduct musical programs in neighbor
countries and clients from different age categories and different cultures gather Replace the word
neighbouring
those
events. Change preposition
at those
This
automatically creates arena
for those Add an article
an arena
people
to get to know each other.
Similarly
,the majority of masterpieces of arts
and artists possess a significant level of popularity in the community. Mainly, the social media has a crucial influence on it.Perhaps as social Fix the agreement mistake
art
medias
create ample Correct your spelling
media
of
opportunities to link Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
distance
individuals together, the Replace the word
distant
music
that have
been published via them Change the verb form
has
have
contacted similar Correct subject-verb agreement
has
people
with similar choices together. For instance
, Facebook groups have been created in
different names of singers and songs to interconnect Change preposition
with
people
wth
similar choices.
Correct your spelling
with
In contrast
, some people
may disagree with above
, as they consider that loving a song is a personal desire and it Correct article usage
the above
do
not have any influence on behaving with others.But, I assert thatChange the verb form
does
,
Remove the comma
apply
music
opens a gateway to the vast community, which can be utilized for maintaining interpersonal relationships.
To conclude
, it is accepted that music
is not merely a part of the art, but it has many hidden aspects and the chances for social gathering is one of the best output
that can be achieved,as explained above.Fix the agreement mistake
outputs
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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay in a clearer manner. This means starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensuring that every subsequent sentence logically flows from one to the next. Make sure your points are linked clearly and cohesively.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. For example, instead of saying 'some occasions,' mention a specific event and describe it in detail. This will help to make your arguments more concrete and persuasive.
task achievement
Focus on grammatical accuracy and lexical resource. While some minor errors are acceptable, try to minimize them by proofreading your essay or using tools that can help identify issues. This will help with clarity and ensure a smoother reading experience.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear stance, and you have a conclusion that ties the essay together. This helps to give a rounded-off feel to your writing.
task achievement
You make a valid point that music can serve as a universal language and bring people together. This is a solid argument that supports your main thesis.
task achievement
Including examples like Facebook groups is a good way to illustrate your points. It shows real-world applications of your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.