IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Music can be used to connect different people from different age and cultures

#music #people #age #cultures
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Aesthetic is a field of recreation which is a paramount necessity for
the
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apply
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human
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humans
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 and
place
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plays
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 a pivotal role in the human
needs'
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needs
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 hierarchy.
Thus
Linking Words
,
music
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to
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apply
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bears a significant value in
the
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apply
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society, regardless the age or
the
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apply
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culture. There is a societal debate as some
are claiming
Wrong verb form
claim
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 that,
music
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 is an ideal mode to gather individuals from any age gap and any cultural background
while
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,
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apply
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 others
contending
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contend
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 on the opposite side of
this
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 notion. I totally agree with the former view and the following paragraphs will illustrate a clear overview
on
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of
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 my opinion . Usually,
music
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 can be recognized as
an
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a
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 universal language which has the possibility of attracting our emotions. In the same way, there are some voices rhythms and melodies which are overwhelmingly beloved by all generations of a society. Eventually, it is conspicuous that, the urgency to gain that pleasure has increased the demand for some
musics
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music
kinds of music
pieces of music
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.
Therefore
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,
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an ininnumerable
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ininnumerable
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innumerable
in innumerable
 amount of listeners
are
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is
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 eagerly waiting for those events to get that experience more
oftenly
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often
.
For example
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, there are some occasions we are Indian artists conduct musical programs in
neighbor
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neighbouring
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 countries and clients from different age categories and different cultures gather
those
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at those
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 events.
This
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 automatically creates
arena
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an arena
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 for those
people
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 to get to know each other.
Similarly
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,the majority of masterpieces of
arts
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art
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 and artists possess a significant level of popularity in the community. Mainly, the social media has a crucial influence on it.Perhaps as social
medias
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media
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 create ample
of
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apply
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opportunities to link
the
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apply
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distance
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distant
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 individuals together, the
music
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 that
have
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has
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 been published via them
have
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has
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 contacted similar
people
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 with similar choices together.
For instance
Linking Words
, Facebook groups have been created
in
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with
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 different names of singers and songs to interconnect
people
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wth
Correct your spelling
with
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 similar choices.
In contrast
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, some
people
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 may disagree with
above
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the above
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, as they consider that loving a song is a personal desire and it
do
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does
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 not have any influence on behaving with others.But, I assert that
,
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apply
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music
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 opens a gateway to the vast community, which can be utilized for maintaining interpersonal relationships.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is accepted that
music
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 is not merely a part of the art, but it has many hidden aspects and the chances for social gathering is one of the best
output
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outputs
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 that can be achieved,as explained above.
Submitted by oriexam6 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay in a clearer manner. This means starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensuring that every subsequent sentence logically flows from one to the next. Make sure your points are linked clearly and cohesively.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. For example, instead of saying 'some occasions,' mention a specific event and describe it in detail. This will help to make your arguments more concrete and persuasive.
task achievement
Focus on grammatical accuracy and lexical resource. While some minor errors are acceptable, try to minimize them by proofreading your essay or using tools that can help identify issues. This will help with clarity and ensure a smoother reading experience.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear stance, and you have a conclusion that ties the essay together. This helps to give a rounded-off feel to your writing.
task achievement
You make a valid point that music can serve as a universal language and bring people together. This is a solid argument that supports your main thesis.
task achievement
Including examples like Facebook groups is a good way to illustrate your points. It shows real-world applications of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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