IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In a number of countries, somepeople think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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There is a debate among individuals about the importance of spending
money
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 on establishing new
railways
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 compared to the advantages of renovating old public
transportation
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. A group of individuals present the view that the budget should be spent on building
railways
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 to accelerate the pace of trains,
whereas
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 others believe the current
transportation
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 system requires refurbishment. I strongly agree with the latter opinion. On the one hand, some people justifiably argue that the former public
transportation
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 needs upgrading as it has some defects that can lead to serious issues
such
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 as car accidents, traffic jams and air pollution.
Therefore
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, the government should prioritize renovating current roads and
transportation
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 to spend
money
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 rather than building new
railways
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.
For example
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,
according to
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 an article published by Times Magazine in 2019, a vast number of accidents occur
due to
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 the breakdown of public transport.
On the other hand
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, another group of people claim that it is crucial for a country to have a fast and advanced train system.
Hence
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, the government should spend
money
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 to set up new
railways
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 in order to achieve
this
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 goal. They insist that in
this
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 way, the pace of communication is more likely to increase.
Moreover
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, it would be more convenient and modern.
However
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, I do not find
this
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 argument convincing as I believe that as long as there are a lot of shortages in the present public transport, expending
money
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 for modernizing new
railways
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 is not necessary.
To conclude
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, in my view, a sizable amount of
money
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 should be spent on renovating existing public transport, as its failure causes some problems like traffic congestion and car crashes.
Moreover
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, building railway lines for fast-paced trains is not an important issue to spend budgets as long as current
transportation
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 is out of date

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task achievement
The introduction could outline the main points more clearly, which will help readers anticipate the discussion that follows.
coherence and cohesion
Consider providing a clearer connection between your arguments and examples to strengthen your points.
task achievement
Including a counterargument or discussing the benefits of the fast train system could enhance the depth of your essay.
task achievement
You have clearly articulated your opinion and made a strong case for focusing on refurbishing public transport.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs, helping the reader follow your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-speed rail
  • commuting
  • economic growth
  • connectivity
  • environmental impact
  • traffic congestion
  • accessibility
  • efficiency
  • cost-effective
  • infrastructure
  • upgrades
  • maintenance
  • urban transportation
  • reliable services
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