In many countries today, both men and women need to work full time. Therefore, some people think men and women should share household takes equally (eg. cleaning and looking after children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is no doubt that nowadays
both
parents are working full time to provide basic needs to their children namely Use synonyms
foods
, medical care, housing and education. Fix the agreement mistake
food
Therefore
, in Linking Words
term
of Fix the agreement mistake
terms
Use synonyms
household
, some might argue that Fix the agreement mistake
households
this
task should Linking Words
be equally divide
Change the verb form
be equally divided
by
two parties or just Change preposition
between
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
on
Change preposition
apply
the
traditional beliefs. Correct article usage
apply
In
my Change preposition
From
perpective
, I totally agree with the statement above which I will explain in the next paragraph.
Correct your spelling
perspective
To begin
with, in Linking Words
this
new era, more and more Linking Words
women
are fighting for their own voices and rights to stand and work in the same role Use synonyms
in
male standards. Change preposition
as
Not to mention
, since the men and Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
both
contribute financially Use synonyms
then
it is significant for them to share Linking Words
household
chores to ensure a fair share of responsibilities Use synonyms
such
as cooking, cleaning, and child-minding that Linking Words
only
Add a missing verb
have only
be
seen by female roles for the past decade. Wrong verb form
been
Thus
, sharing Linking Words
household
tasks fairly promotes a healthy relationship and fosters mutual respect and understanding between husband and wife. Use synonyms
As a result
, Linking Words
a
quality time can be spent Correct article usage
apply
together with
their family and improve Linking Words
overall
life Linking Words
satisfractions
.
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
satisfactions
On the other hand
, some Asian countries still Linking Words
keeping
their cultural gender roles which is Wrong verb form
keep
the
Correct your spelling
that
male
are Fix the agreement mistake
males
most
dominant than Replace the word
more
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
whereas
Linking Words
both
partners Use synonyms
are working
but when it comes to housework only Wrong verb form
work
women
Use synonyms
are doing
most of Wrong verb form
do
its
and somehow the husband only Correct pronoun usage
it
concern
about outside affairs. On top of that, Replace the word
concerned
this
can be tiresome for a lady to handle Linking Words
such
alone. On that account, open communication is Linking Words
a
vital for Change the article
apply
the
couples to keep a Correct article usage
apply
harmony
and efficient Replace the word
harmonious
household
.
In conclusion, consider the Use synonyms
postive
outcomes which Correct your spelling
positive
are including
keeping a more harmonious and happy family when Wrong verb form
include
both
men and Use synonyms
women
Use synonyms
are
evenly divided Unnecessary verb
apply
their
Change preposition
between their
household
tasks and work Use synonyms
as
full time.Change preposition
apply
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task achievement
Ensure your ideas are clearly presented and fully developed. You provided a good overview but lacked in-depth analysis and specific examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Focus on logical structuring of your essay. While you did introduce and conclude your points well, there were some areas in the body paragraphs where the ideas could flow more logically.
coherence cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. There are a few inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that can be polished.
task achievement
You addressed the topic and provided a clear stance from the beginning, which is essential for a complete response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, framing your essay well.
task achievement
You brought up relevant points about financial contribution and cultural differences which are significant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.