IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #products #world #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary era, many
countries
 have shown that their societies and landscapes have become similar
due to
people
 opting for the same
products
 in their lives. From my perspective,
this
 phenomenon leads to adverse impacts and affects the development of
countries
. There are several reasons why
this
 trend brings about many disadvantages.
Firstly
,
due to
 globalization,
people
 have ready access to a wide range of
products
 from different nations, which makes individuals more likely to choose well-known
products
 in the global market.
For example
, with the widespread availability of fast food chains like McDonald's and Starbucks, many
people
 opt for these as meals
instead
 of consuming local cuisine.
This
 not only puts traditional food at risk of disappearing but
also
 results in the loss of unique cultural heritage over time.
Moreover
, many
people
 tend to buy popular
products
 not because they genuinely want them, but because they pursue social proof and jump on the bandwagon.
This
 contributes to everyone buying the same items.
For instance
, with the prevalence of K-pop, many
people
 wish to buy items like clothes, hats, and bags that resemble those of their idols, regardless of their location.
This
 not only diminishes the creativity and ingenuity of society but
also
 hinders reflection on their history, values, and identity.
However
, it is undeniable that
this
 trend still has certain upsides. It offers the opportunity for
people
 to appreciate various cultures, fostering global cohesion.
This
, in turn, fuels the phenomenon, leading
people
 to gravitate towards popular
products
 and erasing differences between
countries
. In conclusion,
while
 the global availability of
products
 can offer some advantages, it
also
 brings about numerous detrimental effects to
countries
: the degradation of traditional food, the erosion of cultural identity, and the disappearance of a country's values. All of these factors demonstrate that
this
 trend is a negative development.
Submitted by zora840810 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are well-supported. To further enhance coherence, consider using more varied transitional phrases between ideas and paragraphs. This will help the reader follow your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the task and provides relevant examples, try to elaborate a bit more on each main point. Providing more detailed examples and expounding on your arguments can create a more compelling case.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and presents your stance effectively, setting the stage for the subsequent arguments.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as fast food chains and K-pop, helps to illustrate and support your points effectively. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: