IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree?

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As the name suggests, a 'public place' is an area assigned to all the members of society. Still, some behave like they are at home or in a private place by smoking in the crowd. Most of the countries have already made strict laws by keeping the health and safety of their people in mind. I fully agree with
this
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 statement that it is fair and square for a person to leave a building who wishes to smoke.
Firstly
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,
chain smoking
Add a hyphen
chain-smoking
show examples
 in gatherings can affect any particular human who has health issues ,
for example
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, Asthma. If i individual has a problem breathing his situation may get worse because of the fume particles released in the air.
Moreover
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, in places like restaurants, cineplex etc. where whole families get together to spend some quality time, smokers can ruin their gathering from exhausts which easily causes cough-like situations among the public when they cross or sit near them.
Secondly
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, following the trend of vaping outside the home, a character feels himself a hero or star by copying his mentor from the movies.
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 situation creates an effect on the minds of youngsters as they easily get influenced by what they see and want to follow the trend. A recent study shows that those who got tickets for not obeying
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 rule are mostly between the ages of 17 to 27. So, It is for the good sake of the society that government banned vaping outside of homes.
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, there are still many countries which allow somebody to smoke freely irrespective of the area. I think they should
also
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 adopt
this
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 law to make a healthier nation and stop the young generation from adopting
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 as a hobby.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider revising sentence structure for clarity and grammatical accuracy. Occasionally, the phrasing can be awkward, making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your main argument and includes well-developed examples. This will enhance the effectiveness of your response.
coherence and cohesion
Expand your conclusion to reinforce your argument more effectively. A strong conclusion should summarize the key points and re-emphasize your position clearly.
task achievement
Your essay displays a clear position on the issue, showing strong agreement with the statement.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to illustrate your points, making your argument more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • secondhand smoke
  • respiratory problems
  • cardiovascular disease
  • clean air
  • public health
  • hospital admissions
  • economic benefits
  • smoking cessation
  • cultural shift
  • healthcare costs
  • smoke-free laws
  • enforcement
  • designated smoking areas
  • compliance
  • social attitudes
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