In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

Home
Change the article
A home
show examples
is an essential place where one lives with family, friends or partners to bring love, support and security.
However
, some nations think it is more necessary to buy a
home
rather than pay rent to the owner.
This
is because
people
will have the privilege to sell and earn more in the future and have the freedom to do what they want in their own space.
Therefore
,
this
will bring positive circumstances to the
people
. It is important to own a
home
when
people
have the advantage to put
up
Correct pronoun usage
it up
show examples
for sale and gain more profits.
Similarly
, after they owned the
house
for a decade or more, they are able to put a higher price for sale to earn extra value.
For instance
, my sister bought a townhouse for 250,000 dollars back in 2014. Recently, she had sold her
house
for 700,000 dollars and gained 450,000 dollars in profits.
Furthermore
,
people
will have the opportunity to live their own life in their private
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
when they are the
house
owner. Being the boss of the
house
,
people
will not be afraid to decide what they want their
house
to look like. My neighbour who is obsessed with antique styles and creativity,
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
refurbished and renovated her
house
to look like
1950s
Correct article usage
the 1950s
show examples
era.
As a result
, being the owner of the
house
allows one to live with happiness and peace of mind. In conclusion, I believe owning a
house
provides positivity because it will bring fortune in the future and encourage
people
to live with freedom, giving themselves the best life.
Submitted by yw_lh on

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Advice on Task Achievement
While the essay addresses the key components of the question, offering reasons why owning a home is important and concluding with a clear position, it could benefit from a deeper exploration of counterarguments or additional points. Including some discussion on potential downsides or challenges of homeownership would provide a more comprehensive response.
Advice on Coherence and Cohesion
To improve logical structure and cohesion, consider using more diverse transitional phrases and connecting words to link ideas within and between paragraphs more fluidly. This will help in guiding the reader through your arguments more effectively.
Highlight on Task Achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples, such as the anecdote about the sister and the neighbor, which effectively illustrate the points being made.
Highlight on Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a comprehensive overview and closing, helping to frame the essay well.

Your opinion

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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