IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

All over the world, people watch foreign films much more than locally produced films. Why? Should the government provide financial support to local film industries?

#world #people #films #government #support #film #industries
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Many people around the world prefer to watch foreign
films
 rather than
that are
Verb problem
those
show examples
 produced in their own countries.
This
 essay will discuss some causes
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
this
 has occurred. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the government should
support
 the local
film
 industries by providing financial aid. There are several reasons why many people enjoy watching foreign
films
 more than their local
films
.
Firstly
, foreign
film makers
Correct your spelling
film-makers
show examples
 spend a huge
budget
 on producing their works . Indeed, that will positively impact
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 quality of
films
. With that
budget
, they can choose a spectacular place as
shooting
Add an article
a shooting
show examples
 location, or use the high technology during the
film making
Correct your spelling
filmmaking
show examples
 process.
For example
, we can see
Avatar
Correct article usage
the Avatar
show examples
 series
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 how amazing the visual effects and shooting scenes are, using 3D effects, or Captain America
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
used Atlanta as a real location for shooting.
Secondly
, foreign
films
 often present big stars or the best actors/actresses around the world like Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, and Jackie Chan. All of These things can be done with a big
budget
.
Furthermore
, the government should
support
 local
film
 industries by providing some amount of money. I believe that every country does not lack extraordinary filmmakers or amazing
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 as a shooting background, but they often do not get the opportunities because of lack of
budget
. Financial
support
 is needed to pay
all
Change preposition
for all
show examples
 accommodation on setting shooting areas, purchase advanced equipment, hire crew and pay actors. If
this
 is fixed, it will give some benefits to the countries,
such
 as opening employment opportunities and increasing countries’s income which will boost domestic tourism. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up, it is evident that
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
budget
 causes poor quality
films
 as a main reason why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people choose foreign
films
, so each government should give financial
support
 to their local
film
 industry .
Submitted by k a l l a on

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grammar
Ensure consistency in verb tenses to improve clarity. For instance, 'Indeed, that will positively impact their quality of films' could be refined to 'Indeed, this positively impacts the quality of their films.'
style and tone
Avoid repetition and redundancy for improved readability. Instead of repeating 'huge budget,' synonyms or rephrasing sentences can make the writing more engaging.
introduction
Enhance the introduction's effectiveness by briefly previewing the reasons before moving into the main body. This provides a clearer roadmap for the reader.
example relevancy
Ensure that all examples directly support the main points. While examples like 'Avatar' and 'Captain America' are relevant, ensure they tie closely to the reasons discussed.
structure
The essay has a clear structure, beginning with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs discussing causes and solutions, and ending with a conclusion.
example usage
Good use of specific examples and references to well-known films helps to illustrate points effectively.
logical flow
Logical progression of ideas within paragraphs ensures that the reader can follow the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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