There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Regarding the fact that we are living in the modern world, quite a few people make an effort to determine new profitable approaches to
music
issues.
Consequently
, a considerable number of people firmly state that conventional
music
is more vital than global
music
,
while
the other majority of people unanimously denounce and claim that multinational
music
is more pivotal.
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
show examples
I hold the view that we should ponder over
this
tender subject equally and properly. The following essay targets to support the mentioned statements above with appropriate reasons and examples.
Above all
, I would like to point out that melodic sounds play
key
Add an article
a key
show examples
role in human life and they are always with us from birth till death,
thus
the first kind of melodies that we listen to as newborns are lullabies and we listen to different genres of
music
thorough
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
our whole time on earth.
Music
has a significant power to control our feelings and emotions
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
on what genre it is and its beats.
For instance
, it assists us to boost our mood, happiness and motivation and handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
stress, depression and sadness.
Secondly
, I have a deep desire to mention that
music
also
indicates our heritage and history as a nation,
therefore
it is highly essential
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
every country to preserve and support
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
national tunes and
songs
. In order to safeguard their musical traditions and conventional
music
governments should accomplish some promotional and preservative actions,
such
as being intrigued in organizing
tradional
Correct your spelling
traditional
music
festivals all over their lands every year and making sure that citizens engage with their national tune and raise awareness around their folklore
music
all around the world.
On the other hand
, we must take into consideration that
juvenils
Correct your spelling
juveniles
and young adults
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
always been more interested in international
music
and overseas singers, especially with the aid of
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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it is much
more
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apply
show examples
easier to access any kind of
music
from any artist very easily, but with the start of 21st
century
Add a comma
century,
show examples
conventional
songs
of different cultures has been gaining more reputation and recognition all over the world.
For example
, in
Eurovision
Correct article usage
the Eurovision
show examples
song contest
Correct your spelling
Song Contest
show examples
such
unique, conventional and
etnic
Correct your spelling
ethnic
songs
get higher results
at the end
of
competition
Add an article
the competition
show examples
. All things considered, I am highly confident to restate that the role of conventional
songs
and tunes are undeniably necessary to each nation and I am so glad to observe the
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
awareness and popularity of
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
,
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apply
show examples
because they are more crucial than foreign
songs
.
Submitted by nigar.rza.2502 on

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introduction conclusion present
Provide a stronger conclusion that clearly reiterates your main points to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
relevant specific examples
Add more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments, particularly in the paragraphs discussing international music and traditional music.
task achievement
The essay covers all aspects of the prompt effectively, discussing the need for music and its different types.
logical structure
There is a clear and logical structure, with each paragraph supporting the main idea stated in the introduction.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets the context, and the essay closes with a conclusion that sums up the author's stance.
supported main points
The points are generally well-supported, with examples enhancing the main ideas put forward.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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