Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, using of computers and mobile phones increased by young people,
according to
unwanted effects on reading and writing skills. I partly agree with this
statement.
First of all, using computers and mobile phones are decreased
handwriting skills, Wrong verb form
decreases
also
how strong of
hand muscles as young children need Change preposition
apply
a
movement of their hands to build their hands Correct article usage
apply
to be
strong. children need to think and practice with old-school Verb problem
apply
that
tangible Correct pronoun usage
apply
material
as pens or pencils. Fix the agreement mistake
materials such
for example
, in China, more than 95% start learning without technology
but learning by doing with traditional courses that
helps young age to understand how can actually read and write.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
On the other hand
, technology
gives more comfort to access knowledge due to
books it hard to find but technology
such
as reading games or writing games helps certain parents to teach their child
to understand how to read and write with more fun and Fix the agreement mistake
children
entertained
. Replace the word
entertainment
For example
, in Thailand, every young person can read and write in more than two languages due to
they use a mobile phone for studying another language when they go out of home and use the computer when they stay at home. That it makes
advantageous in future.
To recapitulate, Verb problem
apply
although
technology
is a good material for study in today's world, but
there is potential damage to young adults reading and writing Remove the conjunction
apply
due to
their growing reliance on digital devices as they are less patient in reading books and writing.Submitted by amittawin on
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Task Achievement
Your introduction needs to be more engaging and clearly state your position. Additionally, ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed. Consider elaborating on why you only partly agree with the statement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Consider using linking phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs more naturally. Also, ensure that every paragraph has a clear central topic and that the ideas are well-organized within the paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas in more depth and provide more specific examples to support your points. Make sure your ideas are clearly explained and are easy to understand.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a more formal tone and avoiding repetitive phrases. Make sure your arguments are clearly and logically presented. Proofread your essay to avoid small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and supporting evidence. Avoid over-generalizations and provide concrete examples to illustrate your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
It's good that you provided examples to support your points. This helps to illustrate your arguments and make them more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your closing paragraph effectively summarizes the key points of your essay and restates your opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.