Nowadays, many animal species are becoming extinct. Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem, others believe that human beings aremore important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

These days, numerous creatures
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
extinction
Replace the word
extinct
show examples
. Some people think that nations and humans must resolve
this
issue
while
others say that people are more significant.
This
expay
Correct your spelling
essay
discusses both
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
plants
Change preposition
of plants
show examples
and I strongly agree with the former opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand, countries and
inviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
together to solve
this
issue because both are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible person for animal
extinction
.
That
is say
Change the verb form
is to say
show examples
, the ministry should
impore
Correct your spelling
impose
improve
import
a strict law against to poachers who
hunts
Change the verb form
hunt
show examples
illegally
animals
, and
as a result
, animal
extinction
might be reduced.
The
Correct article usage
Individuals
show examples
individuals
should not hunt
animals
for
sales
Fix the agreement mistake
sale
show examples
coupled with
export because some
animali
Correct your spelling
animal
animals
skin, teeth and some parts are higher cost in
black
Add an article
the black
show examples
market.
For example
, in India,
Elephant
Correct article usage
the Elephant
show examples
ratio
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
to has been
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduced
show examples
because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals
poach
this
illegally and sell
Elephant's
Change noun form
Elephant
show examples
parts to other countries' black
market
Fix the agreement mistake
markets
show examples
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
brings more money.
Hence
the rolling party and
individuals
should together to protect
animals
and species from
extinctions
Fix the agreement mistake
extinction
show examples
.
On the other hand
, people are the main
resonsible
Correct your spelling
responsible
person for animal
extinction
because they cut the tree of
forest
Add an article
the forest
show examples
, and destroy
Correct article usage
the forest
show examples
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
where
animals
hve
Correct your spelling
live
instead
of they build residential places,
consequently
,
animale
Correct your spelling
animals
animal
suffer to live in
Add an article
a cage
show examples
cage
Fix the agreement mistake
cages
show examples
or very narrow places, that's why
creaturel
Correct your spelling
creatures
creature
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
been decreasing.
For instance
, air pollution, water pollution and land
pollection
Correct your spelling
pollution
collection
are created by
humanronly
Correct your spelling
humans
,
animals
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
, if
they
Add a verb
they are
they were
show examples
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
polluted air
then
they die,
similarly
, water
become
Wrong verb form
becomes
show examples
polluted by human
activitiel
Correct your spelling
activity
.
In other words
, the population are the main responsible for
extinction
Add an article
the extinction
show examples
of species and creatures. In conclusion, nations and
individual's
Verb problem
individual work
show examples
together to solve
this
problem of animal
extinction
,
although
, the public
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
more response to animal
extinction
by their activities.
However
, in my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nations and
individuals
must solve
this
problem of animal
extinction
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence in your essay, try to organize your points more logically. For instance, ensure that your paragraphs flow smoothly from one to another.
coherence cohesion
Work on your introduction and conclusion. They should be clear and concise, summarizing the main argument and points discussed.
task achievement
Your main points should be better supported with accurate and specific examples. Try to use varied and relevant examples to back up your arguments.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear, working on the comprehensive presentation will make your essay more persuasive. Develop each point fully before moving on to the next.
task achievement
You have attempted to address both views in your essay, which aligns well with the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Your essay indicates understanding of the topic and contains relevant ideas, showing that you are capable of forming a coherent argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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