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Band 6.5

The idea of having a single career is becoming an old fashioned one. The new fashion will be to have several careers or ways of earning money and further education will be something that continues throughout life.

#idea #career #fashion #careers #money #education #life
Regarding the fact that we are living in the contemporary world, quite a few
people
 make an effort to determine new profitable approaches to career issues.
Consequently
, a considerable number of
people
 firmly state that it is okay to have several jobs,
while
 the
other
Correct word choice
apply
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majority of
people
 unanimously denounce and claim that it is more advisable to possess only
one
 occupation. Personally, I hold the view that we should ponder over
this
 tender subject equally and properly. The following essay targets to support the mentioned statements above with appropriate reasons and examples.
Above all
, I would like to point out that today millions of young adults favour having various jobs at the same time to be financially independent and afford expenses.
In addition
, it is apparent that the substantially rising degree of inflation and prices are the main reasons that push
people
 into working in a few jobs, in order to become able to pay the bills. The Internet plays a key role in getting the necessary skills and knowledge to obtain a new profession.
For instance
, you can learn and practise various coding languages online by yourself just in a few weeks and get a well-paid remote job,
thus
 you will have another income option other than your regular 9-5 employment.
On the other hand
, we must take into consideration that having only
one
 profession means that you get more spare time, so you can rest, take care of yourself and spend time with your loved ones.
Furthermore
, it is
also
 clear-cut that elderly
people
 and middle-aged adults were happy with possessing only
one
 occupation
,
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 because a few decades ago it was much easier to find a profitable position in employment. All things considered, I am highly confident to restate that nowadays youngsters are more intrigued in getting several career paths
,
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 since it is more sociable and gainful. Only
one
 place of employment is considered to be out of fashion in the latest generation of employees.
Submitted by nigar.rza.2502 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea to improve overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Try to incorporate more varied sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
task achievement
Avoid overly complex sentences that may confuse the reader; clarity is key.
task achievement
Provide a wider range of specific examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a balanced discussion by examining both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well and provides relevant points and examples.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as learning coding languages online, effectively supports the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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