Some educationalist say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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It is argued that playing a musical instrument should be taught to children. I completely agree with

this

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statement as I believe that the acquisition of

this

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skill brings numerous benefits

such

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as sharpening self-confidence, communication skills, and earning money.

To begin

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with, playing a musical instrument has positive influences on youngsters' mental health. One advantage is that rehearsing music can melt away all worries and problems even for a short

while

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. So, it causes them to get peace of mind and be able to focus on their lessons or exams more efficiently. Another mental benefit is that children's confidence can be improved by the ability to play music. By way of example, my nephew has a mastery over playing the guitar, and whenever our family gets together, he gives us the chance to listen and watch his musical performance, and after that, all the family praises him.

This

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situation not only has increased his self-esteem and confidence but

also

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has encouraged him to keep his rehearsing up.

Furthermore

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, obtaining

such

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skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

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would be beneficial for their adult lives.

Firstly

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, it raises monetary opportunities for them.

For example

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, they are able to teach others and have a part-time job as a member of a musical group that holds concerts or creates songs.

Thus

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, they can earn money before they have finished high school, and

also

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save up their money in order to pay the fees of the university.

In addition

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, teamwork

due to

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practising music leads individuals to enhance their social skills through socializing with their peers and even older persons. In conclusion, in my opinion, learning musical instruments affects our lives positively.

This

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trend not only improves children's interpersonal skills but

also

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helps them earn their living at

young

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a young

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age.

kmibehnaz98Wed Jan 03 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that you have a clear central topic for each paragraph, which your essay mostly adhered to, but you could refine the topic sentences further to make them more concise and directly tied to the question.

coherence cohesion

Work on linking words and transition phrases to improve the essay flow. Your essay could benefit from varied, accurate, and more sophisticated cohesive devices.

coherence cohesion

You should aim for a richer variety of sentence structures and aim for more complex constructs to demonstrate higher linguistic capability.

task achievement

Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that you answer the question directly. The essay should maintain a clear position throughout the response.

task achievement

Make sure to develop your main ideas thoroughly and include a detailed explanation to support each point. Use more complex examples to enhance the argument.

task achievement

Where possible, incorporate a wider range of real-world examples to back your claims for a stronger impact and to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

291 words

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Some educationalist say that every child should be taught how to play a musical instrument. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think it is more important to spend money on road and motorways rather than on public transport systems such as railways and trams.

Some people say that what individuals do to protect cannot make difference, others says that individuals can protect environment. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on them? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.