IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as uch information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #uch #information #research #business #world
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Opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
Opinions
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 are
devided
Correct your spelling
divided
 on whether it is good to share any
information
 or whether important and valuable
information
 must not be
spreaded
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spread
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 freely.
While
 I may acknowledge the reasons behind the former view, I still firmly support the latter. Those who believe that sharing
information
 as much as possible is better may have several arguments. From their perspective, the more details they know, the more topics they can discuss with others. Indeed, they can easily start a chat just by a relative word, meaning that it
help
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helps
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 them to be more confident in a conversation. Another possible argument is that
information
also
allow
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allows
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 people to know the features of something described, thereby creating an imaginative mind. By way of illustration, when discussing
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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food, the brain will create the smell and flavour through the description and make us
to
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apply
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think
the
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of the
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 food in that way.
Nevertheless
, I still hold the
believe
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belief
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 that we must limit the number of
information
spreaded
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spread
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 for some reasons . Chief among these is that some personal
informations
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information
pieces of information
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 important so bad persons
such
 as
hacker
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hackers
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 may use that kind of
information
 to cheat your family or friends. In 2009 ,
for instance
, there was a big
new
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news
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 of a group of
cheater which
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cheaters who
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 usually use fake
information
 to get money from relatives and friends of victims. The second reason is that the personal
information
 of the government or a
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 is mainly used to sell and gain money so will be a disadvantage if the
information
 is leaked.
Moreover
, the opponent can abuse that
information
 to copy the product and down the company or
also
 the government. In conclusion, it is understandable why some think that we should share all
what
Change the word
that
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 we know
to
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with
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 others.
However
, I would take the view that limiting some kind of important
information
 is a must.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your logical structure to ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. This will help improve the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments well.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both viewpoints and given your own opinion, which addresses the task prompt adequately.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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