IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that offenders should be put in prison. Others, however, believe that providing offenders with education and training is more effective than putting them in prison. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Undoubtedly, with the rapid social development, more and more cases of crime may happen,
also
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 causing problems in life safety.
Whereas
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 some people look upon
as
Correct pronoun usage
it as
show examples
 a viable means to deal with
this
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 issue, others refer to providing
offenders
Use synonyms
 with
education
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 and training as a more effective way. As for my perspective, I am in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of the latter, and the reasons will be elaborated on thoroughly as follows. An array of causes may lead to why putting
criminals
Use synonyms
 in prison seems to be an effective way of punishment.
To begin
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 with, because lawbreakers are all locked down in prison, our society will be safer, so those illegal and violent treatments are away from our lives.
That is
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,
criminals
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 have been isolated away from people’s lives which can prevent harassment and detrimental effects on citizens, everyone can live safely without any fear.
On the other hand
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, as far as I am concerned, providing
offenders
Use synonyms
 with
education
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 and training brings more benefits to individuals and society.
Firstly
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,
offenders
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 make mistakes because they do not have
legal
Add an article
the legal
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 knowledge to guide them, but moral and legal
education
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 could help them get back on the right path.
In other words
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, moral and legal
education
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 will help
criminals
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 be aware of the reason why they should stop their
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 and
also
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 prevent more crimes in the future.
Secondly
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, most of the reasons for
offenders
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 committing crimes are based on survival, providing
education
Use synonyms
 for
offenders
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 can help them to learn life skills to make their own living. Take Taiwan as an example. Some authorities teach
offenders
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 new skills like producing soy sauce, sweets, etc, which helps
criminals
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 gain their new skills and no need to worry about their financial issues in the future,
this
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 will
also
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 reduce their thoughts of breaking the law again in future. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, I am firmly convinced that providing
offenders
Use synonyms
 with
education
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 and training is a more effective way to reduce the crime rate in our society
by
Change preposition
through
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 moral and legal
education
Use synonyms
 and skill training.

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task achievement
Make sure to present a balanced view of both perspectives. Include more examples or evidence to support the arguments for putting offenders in prison.
coherence cohesion
Work on polishing sentence structures and grammar. Some sentences are slightly awkward and could be more clearly phrased.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain flow and coherence. Some transitions are abrupt, affecting readability.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views and presents a clear stance, supporting it with well-reasoned arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, effectively summarizing the key points and the writer's perspective.
task achievement
The use of examples, such as the one from Taiwan, adds credibility to the arguments presented.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Deterrent
  • Recidivism
  • Rehabilitation
  • Vocational training
  • Retributive justice
  • Reintegration
  • Taxpayers
  • Social isolation
  • Stigmatization
  • Criminal identity
  • Self-esteem
  • Public opinion
  • Societal gains
  • Offenders
  • Imprisonment
  • Cost-effective
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