Throughout history, male leaders often made society more violent and conflicting. If women governed the world, the world would be more peaceful. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many people hold the view that if governing bodies of countries are female-dominated, the hótility between nations would be more stretched because, throughout history, there have been instances of male-dominated societies being more violent and conflict-ridden.
The writer strongly disagrees with
this
view, as tension is affected by complex factors, irrespective of gender.
Firstly
, it must be acknowledged that women
-leading government
society can cause war and conflict. One research depicts that, in fact, between 1480 and 1913, Europe's queens were 27% more likely than its kings to wage war, specifically, Queen Isabella, who amassed new territory during her reigns. Furthermore
, due to
social biases and sex discrimination acts in the past, the chance of women
holding an essential position, which can affect the peacefulness of the world, was undoubtedly reduced. Thus
, if there was not this
phenomenon throughout history, women
-predominant governing bodies may bring about chaos and unrest, as men did.
Admittedly, the significant enactment, which can affect the prosperity and social fabric of the nation, demands sheer consideration and a wide range of agreement from those who are in the government
, where the working environment is gender-mixed. Thus
, decisions that are predominantly made on the personal feelings of women
leaders can be altered to bring about better outcomes. Furthermore
, the control of women
's government
can lead to polarization and tension in a society that highly values masculinity in a leading position. This
is because those who are in favor
of the female counterparts' authority believe that solely aggressiveness, decisiveness, and dominance of the masculine gender can lead to a prosperous and thriving world. Change the spelling
favour
Consequently
, they can take the contribution of women
in parliament for granted and defy the policy implemented by the government
, resulting in riots and public disorder.
In conclusion, the notion that women
would make the world more peaceful if they governed is a simplistic and reductionist view of the complex issues at play.Submitted by [email protected] on
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Task Achievement
Consider developing a clearer introduction that presents your position more explicitly. Providing a clear thesis statement can guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting arguments or examples are directly relevant and effectively developed. This helps in making your viewpoint comprehensive and convincingly supported.
Task Achievement
A more balanced discussion could enhance your essay. When disagreeing with the initial statement, you may also briefly acknowledge the counter-argument before refuting it. This demonstrates a broader understanding of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use cohesive devices accurately and effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs. This includes transitional phrases, synonyms, and referencing words to create a smoother flow of ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve your essay's logical structure, organize it clearly with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Make sure your argument progresses logically from the introduction to the conclusion, with each paragraph contributing to your overall position.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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