IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

With the rapid development of communication(technology, such as smartphones, tablets, and other mobile devices, some people think the disadvantages outweigh its advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#development #communication #technology #smartphones #tablets #devices #people #disagree？
The ever-increasing technological developments have huge potential with very less downsides. In
this
 technological era, we have been witnessing advancement in methods of communication technology
as well as
 its devices.
Although
 some
people
 cite that the negative side has more impact, I firmly believe and stand with positive changes
such
 as ease of communication and reliability.
Firstly
, development in communication technology will make things easier than ever before,
such
 as connecting and staying in touch regularly with
people
 all around the world.
For example
, latest smartphones with cameras and good internet connectivity,
people
 can see their family through video calls which was impossible a couple of decades ago.
Secondly
,
such
 tools provide hassle-free access to infinite information
such
 as banking, education, history, art, and culture from far away with the push of a button.
Furthermore
,
this
 technological advancement comes with a lot more security than ever before, resulting in safer use for any age group.
People
 who suggest
this
 tech leads us to our demise are partly true, by making us lazy. Evidently, these devices perform all the work for us with ease that it will lead us to obesity in some sense. Despite the downside, it provides us with a rather more important advantage of easy access to information. Probably the main disadvantage of rapid development is less control over the devices, with the lack of technical knowledge sensitive information may tempered by someone and can be used in criminal activities. In conclusion,
people
 can work around the flows of increasing technological advancement with awareness and caution
while
 enjoying great benefits and advantages
such
 as ease of things and reliability.
Submitted by modijainil191919 on

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task response
Try to provide a more balanced argument by addressing the counterpoints in more detail. This will strengthen your essay by showing that you have considered multiple perspectives.
task response
Develop each paragraph more fully. Ensure that each main point is thoroughly explained and supported with specific examples for greater clarity and impact.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using linking words and phrases can enhance the flow of your essay.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint and sets the stage for the essay.
introduction and conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your points while reinforcing your position.
supported main points
You use relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rapid development
  • Widespread
  • Revolutionized
  • Instantaneous
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • International relations
  • Remote work
  • Social isolation
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Addiction
  • Privacy concerns
  • Data breaches
  • Mental health
  • Digital detox
  • Data protection laws
  • Substantial
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