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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Employees sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#employees #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
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As a job seeker being interviewed by the Human Resource Development team of a company, questions that are too personal can be awkward to answer,
such
 as hobbies, interests, or even marital status. When some people disagree with these personal matters being addressed, I strongly believe that some details of our background might be needed
due to
 the making of an employee's work plan.
This
 essay will run you through why personal questions should not be avoided to answer. It is understandable that confidential matters can be too personal to share,
therefore
, not all people are comfortable with that. Humans are unique, we are all different in our own way,
thus
, these kinds of questions may trigger the fear of being judged, especially since we know that the atmosphere of recruitment tends to hold formal communication.
Additionally
,
this
 can lead the job seeker to anxiety, or perhaps the fear of getting rejected by showing too much of our true colours to the recruiters.
For example
, one of my friends told me he was not being honest to the recruiter when she tried to ask about what he likes to do when he has plenty of leisure time.
This
 happened because of the scare of prejudice that could possibly lead my friend to be depicted as someone who is lazy if he was being brutally honest.
On the other hand
, the importance of
this
 information is quite often overlooked by those who are looking for jobs. All these small details about the soon-to-be employees help them to arrange work plans. Take my experience as an intern in one of the local TV channels. The recruiter asked me whether I was keen on cooking or not, little did I know, it was her move to set my work tasks to manage the cooking show every Monday Morning. She
then
 asked me if I was single or married and I now understand that she had considered sending me on a business trip to Hawaii if I were nobody's wife. In conclusion, all these opinions of mine reflect my strong position that not all personal information
that is
 given during the interview steers you downward in your career life,
thus
, I agree that these types of queries are nothing to be concerned about.
Submitted by hunnyfieddd on

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coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, try to create a clearer logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is fully developed. Use a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that your essay fully answers all parts of the prompt and maintains a consistent viewpoint throughout. It's important to address both sides of the discussion equally before stating your opinion. Provide more elaboration and a balanced discussion to attain a higher score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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