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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many rare species are being poached. What are the reasons behind this? What can be done about this problem/?

#species
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Without out doubt,nowadays,
species
 which are rare
being
Add a missing verb
are being
show examples
 hunted illegally, and those
species
 are numerous.There are several causes of
this
 alarming trend, but
mesaures
Correct your spelling
measures
 could certainly be taken to solve
this
 problem. Certain problems are often associated with poaching. The main problem is that many
people
 want to
hunt
 these
species
 either for their sport or decoration at home.
In other words
,
while
 some individuals try to
hunt
 for for making special
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
show examples
 like deer
antler
Fix the agreement mistake
antlers
show examples
 at home, others
do
Verb problem
apply
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hunt
 rare
species
 for
sport activity
Fix the agreement mistake
sports activities
show examples
 that they do like archery
bow
Correct your spelling
bowls
show examples
. Another reason is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 lack of awareness which leads to illegal hunting.
People
 may not be aware of How much
ecologiacal
Correct your spelling
ecological
 and biodervitay is important.
For instance
, the presence of apex
predactors
Correct your spelling
predators
predictors
,
such
 as tigers or wolves can help control the population of other animals and maintain balance within the food chain.
Furthermore
, some
people
 may engage in poaching as a source of income,
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 in areas with limited economic
oppurtuines
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 like Africa.
However
, there are various steps that the government could take to tackle these problems.
Firstly
, they could set specific laws for
people
 who
hunt
 illegally. By implementing strict penalties and fines for those caught engaging in
such
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
.
Secondly
, educational institutes like universities and schools play a key role in shaping individuals, so it is important to teach students how the environment may be threatened by poaching.
Thirdly
, the government should pay attention to
themajority
Correct your spelling
the majority
 of
people
 who suffer from financial
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
, and try to balance
this
 issue by receiving taxes from rich
people
. In conclusion,
it is clear that
 there are various reasons for the poaching of many rare
species
, and steps need to
betaken
Correct your spelling
be taken
show examples
 to solve
this
 problem.
Submitted by yektashahryari on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are consistently supported by relevant examples, and clarify your ideas further. This can help in achieving a higher coherence and cohesion score.
language
Proofread your essay for grammatical and spelling errors. This can improve the clarity and overall presentation of your work.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic directly and identifies multiple causes for the problem of poaching rare species.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which contribute to an organized presentation.
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