IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages otweigh the disadvantages?

#people #world #media #touch #news #events #otweigh
Do you think that social
media
 is important to our life ? Social
media
 is a thing
in
Change preposition
on
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internet
Add an article
the internet
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that
Correct word choice
where
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 you can talk to your
friend's
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friends
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 or
to
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apply
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get the latest news and
to
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apply
show examples
have some fun. In
this
essay
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essay,
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 I will talk about the
advantages
 and the
disadvantages
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
media
 and
going to
Verb problem
apply
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discuss both of the
point
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points
show examples
view
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of view
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.
Firstly
, social
media
 has so many
advantages
.
Such
 as we can get the news events, learn about what happening at the moment, and
to
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apply
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keep in touch with our family.
Secondly
, it is a place to have fun because people can send you some funny
video's
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videos
show examples
.
Also
, it may
saves
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save
show examples
 us a lot of time.
Moreover
, social
media
 can make our life
easer
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easier
show examples
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
.
One
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On
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 the other hand, even
thought
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though
show examples
 social
media
 has a lot of
advantages
 there
is
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are
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way
Correct your spelling
many
show examples
 more
disadvantages
.
Such
 as
,
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apply
show examples
 it can waste our time
instead
 of doing our main missions.
Also
, using social
media
 all the time may lead
us
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apply
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to health problems
such
 as losing our eyesight,
headache
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headaches
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, and back pain.
Finally
 giving social
media
 to our
childrens
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children
show examples
 is a huge problem because they get child abuse or maybe
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
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 some bad things and that can lead them to get bad
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
. In the end, social
media
 is a good thing if you use it in the right way and vice versa. Add to that, in my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
 I think that social
media
 has more
advantages
 than
the
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apply
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disadvantages
 so that's why it can't
otweigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
weigh
 the
disadvantages
.
Submitted by aa.alshallal7 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a specific instance where social media was used to create awareness about an important issue or how it helped someone stay connected with family during a difficult time.
logical structure
Work on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and flows logically from one point to the next. This will help improve the logical structure of your essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Avoid general statements like "social media is a thing on the internet," and aim for more precise language. This will make your ideas clearer and more compelling.
task achievement
You offered a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of social media, which shows a good attempt to address both sides of the argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay included an introduction and conclusion, which provided a clear framework for your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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