IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You have recently moved to a new city. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter Explain why you moved Describe your new city Tell him/her other news Began your letter as: Dear…

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to enquire about the membership plans available at your fitness facility. I have recently moved to Halifax and
been
Add a missing verb
have been
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 in search of a
gym
Use synonyms
 for
long
Correct article usage
a long
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 until I saw Apex
Use synonyms
gym
Capitalize word
Gym
show examples
 yesterday during my commute from work. Let me give you a little background about myself. I am a
25 year old
Add a hyphen
25-year-old
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 software engineer residing at Holland Apartments, which is just opposite
to
Change preposition
apply
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your
gym
Use synonyms
. Stressful work and unhealthy eating habits
has
Change the verb form
have
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 deteriorated my mental and physical health, which
is
Correct your spelling
in
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 turn has made me look up for a
gym
Use synonyms
 membership in
vicinity
Add an article
the vicinity
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. I would be glad if you
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 help me with the membership plans offered at your facility, their detailed breakdown costs, and related
committments
Correct your spelling
commitments
 if opted for any of them. Does your
gym
Use synonyms
 offer family member plans at discounted rates? Because my parents and wife are fitness enthusiasts and could benefit from
such
Linking Words
 schemes. Since I am planning to just get active a bit, I am not looking for heavy-weight training workshops, cardiovascular exercises, or rigorous fitness routines. I am looking at yoga, breathing and rehabilitation routines, and some light physiotherapy. I hope to
hearing
Change the verb
hear
show examples
 back from you. Yours faithfully, David
Beckhem
Correct your spelling
Beckham
.

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suitable writing tone
You have addressed the main points of your query about the gym membership, but the tone can be a bit more casual since you are writing to a friend.
logical structure
Although you have given a background of yourself, the overall structure could be more logically organized. Try grouping similar information to make the letter flow better.
single idea per paragraph
You should ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea. For instance, the introduction can be separate from the background information, and the details about your needs can be grouped together.
greeting and closing
The greeting and closing are appropriately used.
complete response
You provided a detailed description of the gym requirements and your current health situation.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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