Some people believe that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is proposed that government expenditures should be prioritized for enhancing public health and
education
,
while
others believe that funding for
arts
is essential. From my perspective, none of these sectors should be exclusively prioritized at the expense of the other. On the one hand, there is no denying that financial support for public health and
education
can yield substantial benefits . From the individual level, healthcare and
education
subsidies from governments reduce the expenses → reduce the stress → better mental health, boosting the quality of life. From the societal level, better healthcare and
education
systems facilitate the workforce to become more productive and
skilfull
Correct your spelling
skilful
as they are well-trained and well-cared.
On the other hand
, it is
also
undeniable that allocating budgets to the
arts
should never be neglected. From
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
cultural perspective, investing in
arts
is considered an effective tool to preserve the national identities of countries. Owing to vibrant and aesthetic aspects, art forms
such
as traditional music, dance and visual
arts
, which
encapsulated
Wrong verb form
encapsulate
show examples
centuries-old traditions and values unique to a particular culture, are likely to capture the attention of the general public when compared to monotonous documents.
Thus
, by distributing more national budgets to
this
field, not only can governments preserve their cultural values but
also
educate the future generation about cultural roots. From the societal view,
arts
can assist authorities in rapidly delivering information to the general populace. Artistic works can be employed as tools to convey and spread information to the citizens as their immediate and memorable impression, raising residents' awareness.
For example
, during the COVID-19 epidemic, the “Ghen Covi” song assisted Vietnamese authorities in propagandizing the prevention methods
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
hazardous virus to the Vietnam citizenry. In conclusion, I hold a firm belief that a well-rounded approach involves the appropriate allocation of national budgets to promoting
arts
fields
as well as
ensuring healthcare and
education
development.
Submitted by ntl250605 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic. To enhance your task response, ensure that all your ideas are fully developed and elaborated. Adding more detailed examples and explanations could strengthen your analysis.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, you might want to work on smoother transitions between ideas. Although the logical flow is good, additional linking phrases or sentences could make your argumentation even more compelling.
overall highlights
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argumentation.
task achievement
You supported your main points with relevant examples, which helps to illustrate your argument more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct point, making it easier for the reader to understand your perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: