IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #population #three #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line graph above depicts the proportion of the
population
 aged 65 and over from 1940 until 2040 in three various countries.
Overall
,
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 of them have
similarity
Correct article usage
a similarity
show examples
 which
is rise
Change the verb form
is rising
show examples
 steadily, in the end.
To begin
 with, the
population
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started below 10 per
cent
. As time
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 by, reached 15 per
cent
 in 1980.
Finally
, hit
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak at 23 per
cent
 in 2040. Meanwhile, in Sweden in 1940 started at 8 per
cent
 and constantly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 14 per
cent
 in 1980.
Then
, rising again in 2018 at 20 per
cent
. In 2040, reach
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25 per
cent
.
Last
Change the article
The last
show examples
 country,
Japan
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest
population
 only 5 per
cent
 in 1940 and
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
stabilly
Correct your spelling
steadily
.
However
, that country went up
at
Change preposition
by
show examples
 10 per
cent
. Surprisingly, the predictions of the
population
 aged 65 olds and over in
Japan
 will be higher than two other countries as
comparison
Add an article
a comparison
show examples
. Looking
more
Change preposition
into more
show examples
 detail, at
first,
Japan
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population
. In 1940, respectively, the sequence was
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, Sweden, and
Japan
.
However
, in 2040, there is a change.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the first place will be
Japan
, Sweden will
followed
Change the verb form
follow
be followed
show examples
, and America on
last
 rank by
population
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, cent, japan with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aging population
  • proportion
  • elderly
  • significant increase
  • surpass
  • gradual increase
  • crucial period
  • rapid increase
  • healthcare advancements
  • lower birth rates
  • projections
  • adjustments in social services
  • demographic dynamics
  • lifestyle choices
  • trends
  • notable
  • potentially
What to do next:
Look at other essays: