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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make comparisons where relevant.
#proportion #population #three #countries #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph above depicts the proportion of the
population
Use synonyms
 aged 65 and over from 1940 until 2040 in three various countries.
Overall
Linking Words
,
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 of them have
similarity
Correct article usage
a similarity
show examples
 which
is rise
Change the verb form
is rising
show examples
 steadily, in the end.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
population
Use synonyms
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started below 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
. As time
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 by, reached 15 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1980.
Finally
Linking Words
, hit
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak at 23 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 2040. Meanwhile, in Sweden in 1940 started at 8 per
cent
Use synonyms
 and constantly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 14 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1980.
Then
Linking Words
, rising again in 2018 at 20 per
cent
Use synonyms
. In 2040, reach
until
Change preposition
apply
show examples
25 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Last
Change the article
The last
show examples
 country,
Japan
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest
population
Use synonyms
 only 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in 1940 and
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
stabilly
Correct your spelling
steadily
.
However
Linking Words
, that country went up
at
Change preposition
by
show examples
 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
. Surprisingly, the predictions of the
population
Use synonyms
 aged 65 olds and over in
Japan
Use synonyms
 will be higher than two other countries as
comparison
Add an article
a comparison
show examples
. Looking
more
Change preposition
into more
show examples
 detail, at
first,
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
population
Use synonyms
. In 1940, respectively, the sequence was
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, Sweden, and
Japan
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in 2040, there is a change.
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the first place will be
Japan
Use synonyms
, Sweden will
followed
Change the verb form
follow
be followed
show examples
, and America on
last
Linking Words
 rank by
population
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wishmeluck  on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, cent, japan with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • aging population
  • proportion
  • elderly
  • significant increase
  • surpass
  • gradual increase
  • crucial period
  • rapid increase
  • healthcare advancements
  • lower birth rates
  • projections
  • adjustments in social services
  • demographic dynamics
  • lifestyle choices
  • trends
  • notable
  • potentially
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