IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self employed rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantage of bring self employed?

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The majority of people prefer to be their own boss independent from employers in their work, than to be hired by the common company. The case for
such
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 a trend is an absence of limits to reach a successful career. Meanwhile, the main disadvantage of being self еmloyed is the overloaded schedule. On one hand, leading your own business is the best way to improve your soft and hard skills, make decisions and earn as much money as you can. The above statement means that there are no stop lines in your career, and the only person who decides how much you earn, and what time your working day should start and finish.
However
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, if you are a hired employer, even if you are CEO, there are always some limits
according to
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 the company's policy or your job's title.
For example
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, Forbes magazine revealed top 10 the most solvent influencers of 2023 including Mark Zuckerberg who wouldn't become one of the richest people all over the world if he had a common job.
On the other hand
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 , everything has its own price in our life, the thing you have to pay for the privilege of being an unusual worker is to have a 24/7 timetable. There is a myth that successful businessmen spend all their time visiting different people and eating at expensive restaurants. The truth is that they work hard all day long, during the whole weeks and months or throughout the year. The good news is that all success and all profit are their income.
For example
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,
according to
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 the data from one social poll among 97 % of businessmen, the biggest problem is the lack of any chance to be free of charge. They even have to sacrifice their family relationship
due to
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 the lack of common interactions in order to develop a startup. Consequences of leading a tight schedule life strategy are often unhappy children, divorces and health issues. In conclusion, being an entrepreneur is a great benefit that can give you a fabulous result in being financially independent and owning a prosperous company ,
otherwise
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, your choice assumes having a full timetable serving customers in your biz.

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language accuracy
Be careful with spelling (e.g., 'self еmployed' should be 'self-employed', 'employer' should be 'employee' when referring to being hired). Precision in terminology is key to clarity.
argument development
To enhance your argument, consider diversifying your sources of examples. While the mention of Forbes and a social poll adds credibility, additional types or sources of evidence could deepen the analysis.
balance
Keep an eye on the balance in your paragraphs. While you've discussed both viewpoints, ensuring each side is equally comprehensive strengthens your argument.
specificity
Watch out for potential overgeneralizations in your essay ('the only person who decides', 'everything has its own price'). Specificity in claims can add to the persuasiveness of your argument.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, providing a clear roadmap of your essay.
balance
You've made a commendable effort in presenting both sides of the argument, which is vital for a balanced discussion.
example use
The examples you've included, such as Mark Zuckerberg's success and the social poll, are relevant and amplify your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • flexibility
  • freedom
  • pursue
  • passion
  • interest
  • income
  • financial success
  • control
  • working hours
  • work-life balance
  • empowerment
  • ownership
  • job security
  • stability
  • financial challenges
  • isolation
  • social interaction
  • self-discipline
  • motivation
  • deadlines
  • supervisors
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