IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is believed that living in large metropolitan areas is detrimental to the public's well-being. From my perspective, I highly agree with
this
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 idea when recognizing the various negative impacts that urban
people
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 are suffering nowadays. First of all, the risk of pollution in urban areas may be considered a primary culprit for declined health of citizens. Metropolises are potential and appealing spots for
incorporation
Correct article usage
the incorporation
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 of various companies and individuals who have a desire to seek valuable opportunities, leading to a plethora of heavy manufacturing activities from factories and a dramatic increase in the volume of vehicles.
Thus
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, a large amount of released emission can be seen as a root cause of air pollution which directly spells troubles for the physical conditions of city
people
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.
For example
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, a surging number of
people
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 who suffer from respiratory or chronic diseases is witnessed in the present day, which is an alarm for
people
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 about the negative aspects of the urban environment where they are living .
Secondly
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, fast-paced life in bustling cities
also
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 plays a pivotal factor in a change in
humans'
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human'
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 lifestyle, which tends to
more
Add a missing verb
be more
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 from heavy pressure. With the development of industrialization and urbanization, there are more stringent requirements for
people
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 to catch up with the latest movements,
then
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 their daily
life
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lives
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 may be busier and under intangible pressure from their work and society. In the long run, the drawbacks to both the mental and physical health of those citizens are undeniable when they more frequently encounter anxiety, disorder symptoms, and a sense of fatigue after work. That could be a rationale for
a
Correct article usage
the
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 phenomenon that a balanced lifestyle has become more challenging to achieve,
therefore
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, negative changes in working life may take a heavy toll on the
overall
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 well-being of large cities' public. In conclusion, I totally agree with the idea that inhabiting modern areas would deteriorate
human'
Change noun form
human
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 health
due to
Linking Words
 environmental pollution and the pressured lifestyle.

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coherence cohesion
Consider using synonyms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeating 'urban areas,' you could use terms like 'cities' or 'metropolises.'
coherence cohesion
Transition words and phrases can help to link ideas and paragraphs more smoothly. Words like 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' and 'in addition' could improve the fluidity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Proofread the essay to eliminate minor grammatical errors and improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Strong vocabulary and varied sentence structure are used throughout the essay.
task achievement
Clearly presents a comprehensive argument while maintaining relevance to the topic.
task achievement
Both paragraphs provide concrete reasons to support your point of view, contributing to a well-rounded argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • respiratory issues
  • pollution
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • noise pollution
  • health facilities
  • mental health
  • physical activities
  • nature contact
  • health problems
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