Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is believed that living in large metropolitan areas is detrimental to the public's well-being. From my perspective, I highly agree with
this
idea when recognizing the various negative impacts that urban people
are suffering nowadays.
First of all, the risk of pollution in urban areas may be considered a primary culprit for declined health of citizens. Metropolises are potential and appealing spots for incorporation
of various companies and individuals who have a desire to seek valuable opportunities, leading to a plethora of heavy manufacturing activities from factories and a dramatic increase in the volume of vehicles. Correct article usage
the incorporation
Thus
, a large amount of released emission can be seen as a root cause of air pollution which directly spells troubles for the physical conditions of city people
. For example
, a surging number of people
who suffer from respiratory or chronic diseases is witnessed in the present day, which is an alarm for people
about the negative aspects of the urban environment where they are living .
Secondly
, fast-paced life in bustling cities also
plays a pivotal factor in a change in humans'
lifestyle, which tends to Fix the agreement mistake
human'
more
from heavy pressure. With the development of industrialization and urbanization, there are more stringent requirements for Add a missing verb
be more
people
to catch up with the latest movements, then
their daily life
may be busier and under intangible pressure from their work and society. In the long run, the drawbacks to both the mental and physical health of those citizens are undeniable when they more frequently encounter anxiety, disorder symptoms, and a sense of fatigue after work. That could be a rationale for Fix the agreement mistake
lives
a
phenomenon that a balanced lifestyle has become more challenging to achieve, Correct article usage
the
therefore
, negative changes in working life may take a heavy toll on the overall
well-being of large cities' public.
In conclusion, I totally agree with the idea that inhabiting modern areas would deteriorate human'
health Change noun form
human
due to
environmental pollution and the pressured lifestyle.Submitted by thanhtu.thcsbt on
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coherence cohesion
Consider using synonyms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeating 'urban areas,' you could use terms like 'cities' or 'metropolises.'
coherence cohesion
Transition words and phrases can help to link ideas and paragraphs more smoothly. Words like 'moreover,' 'furthermore,' and 'in addition' could improve the fluidity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Proofread the essay to eliminate minor grammatical errors and improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Strong vocabulary and varied sentence structure are used throughout the essay.
task achievement
Clearly presents a comprehensive argument while maintaining relevance to the topic.
task achievement
Both paragraphs provide concrete reasons to support your point of view, contributing to a well-rounded argument.