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Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work
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At present, there is an observable trend that people, particularly rural dwellers, are migrating to cities in search of
employment
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, leaving their families and friends behind. Personally, I believe there are more benefits than detrimental effects for people to leave their hometown to seek
employment
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 in urban areas where there are more
job
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 opportunities.
Firstly
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, urban migration for the purpose of
job
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-seeking and
employment
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 would result in a better economic situation. As it is well-known, there are plenty of
job
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 opportunities for
job
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-seekers, regardless of their field or expertise, in major cities and metropolitans.
Therefore
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, there is a high chance that the movers can get a decent
job
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 with high incomes.
As a result
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, they can send the remuneration back to their families back in their hometown or even visit them during the holiday.
Furthermore
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, moving away from home to search for
employment
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 would provide the person with the chance of getting a better lifestyle.
For instance
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, they can get access to better healthcare, their children can get quality education, and their spouses can
also
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 gain access to better and higher-paid jobs.
This
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 would significantly impact their family lifestyle and socioeconomic status and, in the end, bring back positive effects on their other family members and friends in their hometown. All in all, I strongly believe that the decision to leave home in search of a decent
job
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 would yield more positive impacts. His or her financial status would be improved, and his or her family lifestyle would be upgraded through
employment
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 in more developed areas.
Submitted by emteeme on

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relevant specific examples
To improve the essay, you should consider providing specific examples or case studies to further strengthen your arguments. For example, mentioning a particular city or a real-life scenario where someone benefited from migrating for work will add depth to your points.
logical structure
To achieve a higher score, work on refining the logical structure of your essay, making sure each paragraph flows seamlessly to the next. You could use more transitional phrases to better connect your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and strong introduction and conclusion, creating a well-rounded structure.
complete response
Your task response is very good. You have addressed the prompt fully and provided a balanced perspective which is well-developed.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clear and comprehensive, which helps in effectively communicating your viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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