Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some individuals argue that young employees can achieve more benefits for the
company
, however
, others
think that old
workers Fix the agreement mistake
older
able
to realize the nature of the job more than newer which helps to achieve Add a missing verb
are able
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
company
better. This
essay will discuss both sides of view with
adding my personal opinion.
People believe that Change preposition
while
youn
Correct your spelling
young
person
have the ability to do what older can not when they work. To clarify, the power and health of any person can affect Fix the agreement mistake
people
of
job performance. Change preposition
apply
Thus
workers ' 41 years
' are more active, so they work hard
than Rephrase
harder
others
. A prime example, in
2013 , when Add a missing verb
is in
header
of Add an article
the header
HYS
Correct article usage
the HYS
campany
' 65 Correct your spelling
company
years
old' stopped working because of his sickness, the new manager '40 years
old' Add a missing verb
was abled
abled
to achieve Correct your spelling
able
a
huge profits in a short period.
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
On the other hand
, others
think older staffs
have better skills, experience, and knowledge which can play a prime factor Fix the agreement mistake
staff
to
Change preposition
in
rise
the Verb problem
increasing
company
benefits. Despite this
, young staff can learn from older people then
complete what they did Correct word choice
and then
with
adding Change preposition
by
the
modern sciences and technology Correct article usage
apply
for
the method. Change preposition
to
For instance
, in 2020, leader
of the MYS '70 Correct article usage
the leader
years
old' transfer
his position to his son after he recognised that the Wrong verb form
transferred
company
will falling
off.
Wrong verb form
would fall
To conclude
, some may say that old people know a
secret date of the Correct article usage
the
company
which is importance
to Replace the word
important
develop
it, Wrong verb form
developing
others
think that youngers
CORRECT YOUR SPELLING
younger
The word youngers doesn’t seem to fit Correct your spelling
younger
this
context. Consider replacing it with a different one.
show examples
can do better by learning from former workers and progressing it. I completely agree with the last
view.Submitted by hasnaalbrashdi on
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task achievement
Work on providing more concrete examples to support your points. The examples given are good, but more detail could strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical structure, it would benefit from clearer transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states both views and indicates that you will include your opinion, setting up a well-rounded discussion.
relevant specific examples
Effective use of specific examples to back up your points, making your argument more convincing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.