IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that education should be free for all. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Some individuals argue that schooling has to be totally free,
while
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 others say students have to buy
fees
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 for their
education
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 to improve their
country
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's economy.
Although
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fees
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 for learning will improve the
education
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 quality, I believe pupils should study for free because later on they will be involved in the
country
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's development. On the one hand, buying
fees
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 to study is essential to increase the
country
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's economy, which will lead the government to fund each school for development.
Moreover
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,
this
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 way will make students focus on their studies, so they will have great marks and after they graduate they will have many job opportunities.
For example
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, a recent research found that when schools had
fees
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this
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 reflected in the
country
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's development because their income increased and they could fund many sectors.
However
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, In my opinion, not everyone has money to buy for learning and
that is
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 unfair to pupils who want to complete their school.
On the other hand
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, learning has to be completely free for students in all schools primary, secondary and higher
education
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, because studying is one of human rights and people should have similar access to
education
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 without any charge.
Besides
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, when they complete their degrees, they will participate in the
country
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's improvement.
For instance
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, the number of university graduates increasing and they have a rule for improving their society. In conclusion,
although
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 buying for learning has a huge effect in the
country
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, studying is essential for each one in society and it should be provided without any money.

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task achievement
- Try to refine the thesis statement in the introduction for more clarity. It should clearly indicate the main points that will be discussed. - Ensure all the main points in the body paragraphs align clearly with the thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
- Improve the logical flow between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph seamlessly leads to the next. - Eliminate minor grammatical errors and refine sentence structure for better coherency. - Provide more specific and varied examples to support your points.
task achievement
- The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. - The writer addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
- Transition words and phrases are used effectively to connect ideas. - The conclusion summarizes the main points and restates the writer's opinion, which adds to the overall coherence.
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