IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

“Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (For example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

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Recently, there has been a heated conversation about whether high
school
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students
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 should undertake voluntary work in their
community
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 as part of the mandatory
school
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 curriculum. Personally, I strongly advocate that youngsters should contribute to the charity
community
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, as it helps them to become responsible and well-educated individuals. First and foremost, the main benefit of
this
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program
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 is creating invaluable opportunities for high
school
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 pupils to develop a sense of responsibility. Taking the example of teaching sports to their siblings,
students
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 are encouraged to be responsible for their actions as they need to model the practice for their younger peers.
This
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 not only includes knowing how to properly transfer their athletic knowledge and techniques to
others
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,
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apply
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 but
also
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 constructing the ability to take care of
others
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.
Through
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By
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 helping
others
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 from getting hurt or managing accidents
on
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in
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sport
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sports
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 fields, teenagers would have a better understanding of being responsible to
others
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 and their surroundings, which is beneficial in their future career pathway. On top of the preceding discussion, another advantage of manifesting
this
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 volunteering
program
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 is to help consolidate
students
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' learning at schools in a real-life context. By helping local dwellers in the neighbourhood, there are numerous chances for them to actively utilise the knowledge learnt from their textbooks.
For instance
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, in charity markets, youngsters can be in charge of the cashing where it is necessary for them to apply their numeracy skills. Conclusively, it is undeniable that implementing a compulsory volunteer
program
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 in high
school
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 not only benefits the improvement of the
community
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 but is
also
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 tremendously helpful for equipping our children with solid skills and responsibilities.
Therefore
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,
community
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 service should be advocated by the
school
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 and encourage all
students
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 to be part of the
program
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.

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Task Achievement
While the essay presents clear ideas, enhancing the depth of examples could strengthen your argument. Consider providing more detailed examples of community service activities and their impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that there is a smoother transition between paragraphs. Using linking phrases could improve the flow of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarifying the connection of your conclusion to the overall argument may better emphasize your stance on the necessity of community service in schools.
Task Achievement
The introduction clearly states your position, which sets a strong foundation for the essay.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively outlines the benefits of community service for students, showcasing a thoughtful perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Community service
  • Charity
  • Civic engagement
  • Empathy
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Extracurricular commitments
  • Skill development
  • Real-world skills
  • Diversity
  • Perspectives
  • Exposure
  • Electives
  • Volunteerism
  • Responsibility
  • Mandatory participation
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