Some people think that living in a big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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There is an ongoing statement suggesting that dwelling in metropolises is dramatically harmful
for
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to
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one’s physical
health
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. From my point of view, I only partially
consent
Verb problem
agree
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with
this
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idea since
metropolises
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metropolise
living conditions can indeed cause severe
diseases
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but
also
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can cure them with great efficiency as well. It is obvious
to note
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apply
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that most
health
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problems tend to occur in modern
cities
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since the environment is direly polluted. To be specific, as fuel
such
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as coal and gas is vastly used by
transportations
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transportation
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and factories in the urban area, exhausted fumes thereby are sent out to the environment, causing considerable illness regarding the respiratory system.
For instance
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, cancer, asthma and pneumonia can be stated as some prominent lung
diseases
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which are causing lethal consequences in numerous
cities
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around the world. The rural areas,
on the contrary
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, where there is little fossil fuels used, often have their dweller’s lungs strong and healthy.
Hence
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,
environment
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environmental
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contamination in megacities is the main cause
for
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of
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the downgrade of the
inhabitants
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inhabitant's
inhabitants'
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health
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. Though
diseases
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are a downside to living in
cities
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, it is undeniable that their top-notch facilities can cure them completely with
such
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ease and convenience. To be specific,
hospital
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hospitals
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and
health
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facilities are often abundantly constructed in
cities
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and their capacities can be enormous. Compared to the rural counterpart, where clinical services are regularly scarce and out of the people’s reach, though there is little illness, when it emerges, it is
of
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apply
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extreme difficulty
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extremely difficult
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to get the patient to a
health
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centre. In conclusion,
although
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the downsides regarding
health
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in
cities
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are existent
Verb problem
exist
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, the modern faculties of them, which can provide aid in curing those
diseases
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, can not be overlooked.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
Enhance the depth of your main points by providing more detailed examples or explanations. For instance, you might elaborate on how specific city-based healthcare systems function and give specific case studies.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas to maintain the flow of your essay. Using more varied linking words could help, for example: 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' etc.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and structure. Occasionally, the sentences were a bit monotonous. Try to integrate compound and complex sentence structures more regularly to improve the overall sophistication of your writing.
task achievement
You provided a well-rounded response by considering both sides of the argument, showing good critical thinking skills.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintained a clear and logical structure from introduction to conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory problems
  • population density
  • stress levels
  • mental health issues
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • healthcare facilities
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • psychological well-being
  • recreational areas
  • social networks
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