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Writing Samples
Band 7

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic?

#people #measures #epidemic
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It is true that
people
Use synonyms
 today are gaining weight more than in the past. There are a variety of reasons for
this
Linking Words
 problem, but steps can be taken to tackle the overweight issue. The two main causes of obesity are unhealthy lifestyle and the lack of physical activities.
Firstly
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,
people
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 now are following unhealthy lifestyles than before, they tend to eat more fast food and sweets. Many
people
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 find it easy to buy ready meals
instead
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 of spending hours cooking at home.
This
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 results in an increased number of
people
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 who are overweight.
For example
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, most of the families in Jordan gather at social events and every time they order food from restaurants,
instead
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 of cooking at home, which results in a high percentage of obesity in the country.
Secondly
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, most
people
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 spend long hours at work, which them with no time to exercise. It is proven that the lack of exercise is considered one of the reasons for having extra weight. One possible solution to
this
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 problem is adopting a healthy lifestyle, which consists of eating vegetables and meat that are cooked at home. Families can work together to cook a meal, it will encourage them to eat healthy food as preparing meals is connected to happy time with each other.
Moreover
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, despite the long working hours,
people
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 can practice doing some exercise at work. They can find hundreds of YouTube videos,
for example
Linking Words
, that teach some physical movement
while
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 they are working.
To conclude
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, some measures can be taken to solve the overweight problem that most
people
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 are suffering from because of the unhealthy lifestyle.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score, try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to consistently use linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between ideas. This will improve the overall flow and coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
You have included both an introduction and a conclusion, which gives a clear structure to your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task, discussing the causes of obesity and suggesting measures to tackle it.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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