IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays online shopping has become more popular than in-store shopping. Is it positive or negative development?

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Recently, technology
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 flourishing by leaps and bounds
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes life easier.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
this
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 modern era, virtual purchasing has become more trendy than direct shopping.
However
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, I personally think that it has two aspects
hence
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this
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 essay will discuss whether the evolution of e-commerce is friendly for
buyer
Fix the agreement mistake
buyers
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 or not. On the one hand,
in
Change preposition
apply
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these days, as the requirement of buying in society increase with the development of technology, perhaps
transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
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 on the internet is the most convenient choice
due to
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time saving
Add a hyphen
time-saving
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.
For instance
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, in
this
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 busy world, a number of people work the whole day,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 don't have much time to spend
on
Change preposition
in
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 brick-and-mortar
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
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.
As a result
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, numerous websites and applications
was
Change the verb form
were
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 released to serve everyone
likes
Wrong verb form
like
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 Amazon and Shopee.
Thus
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, nowadays, most
of
Change preposition
apply
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people would like to do indirect buying goods
than
Rephrase
rather than
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 in-store shopping.
On the other hand
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, the advancement of online shopping has unintentionally given bad sellers the opportunity to scam customers into buying fake and
poor quality
Add a hyphen
poor-quality
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 items. To explain
this
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 problem,
for example
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, digital canned food vendors can provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
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images of even delicious or eye-catching,
on the
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contrary
Add the comma(s)
contrary,
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 we can't look and check directly and when the product is delivered it may be
an
Correct article usage
apply
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expired or bad quality.
Furthermore
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,
this
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happens
Verb problem
apply
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will cause adverse effects on our health.
To sum up
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, purchasing on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 is still more popular and convenient with diverse items.
This
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 can be considered not only beneficial but
also
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 harmful. I hope in the future all negative issues will not exist so that the next generation can buy things without taking risks.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument, which is good. However, it lacks a strong position or clear opinion on whether online shopping is overall positive or negative. Make sure your thesis statement clearly states your stance.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and concrete examples to support your points. For instance, instead of vaguely mentioning bad sellers, you could mention specific incidents or statistics that underline the issue.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'numerous websites and applications was released' should be 'numerous websites and applications were released'). Paying attention to these will improve the accuracy and clarity of your writing.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Use more linking words (e.g., 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,') to enhance the flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
logical structure
You address both the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping, which shows a balanced view.
supported main points
The points you raise are relevant and aligned with the essay topic, keeping the discussion focused.
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