Nowadays online shopping has become more popular than in-store shopping. Is it positive or negative development?
Recently, technology
is
flourishing by leaps and bounds Wrong verb form
has been
that
makes life easier. Correct pronoun usage
which
Therefore
, in this
modern era, virtual purchasing has become more trendy than direct shopping. However
, I personally think that it has two aspects hence
this
essay will discuss whether the evolution of e-commerce is friendly for buyer
or not.
On the one hand, Fix the agreement mistake
buyers
in
these days, as the requirement of buying in society increase with the development of technology, perhaps Change preposition
apply
transaction
on the internet is the most convenient choice Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
due to
time saving
. Add a hyphen
time-saving
For instance
, in this
busy world, a number of people work the whole day, they
don't have much time to spend Correct word choice
and they
on
brick-and-mortar Change preposition
in
store
. Fix the agreement mistake
stores
As a result
, numerous websites and applications was
released to serve everyone Change the verb form
were
likes
Amazon and Shopee. Wrong verb form
like
Thus
, nowadays, most of
people would like to do indirect buying goods Change preposition
apply
than
in-store shopping.
Rephrase
rather than
On the other hand
, the advancement of online shopping has unintentionally given bad sellers the opportunity to scam customers into buying fake and poor quality
items. To explain Add a hyphen
poor-quality
this
problem, for example
, digital canned food vendors can provide the
images of even delicious or eye-catching, Correct article usage
apply
on the
contrary
we can't look and check directly and when the product is delivered it may be Add the comma(s)
contrary,
an
expired or bad quality. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, this
happens
will cause adverse effects on our health.
Verb problem
apply
To sum up
, purchasing on the internet
is still more popular and convenient with diverse items. Capitalize word
Internet
This
can be considered not only beneficial but also
harmful. I hope in the future all negative issues will not exist so that the next generation can buy things without taking risks.Submitted by phamduchien711 on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument, which is good. However, it lacks a strong position or clear opinion on whether online shopping is overall positive or negative. Make sure your thesis statement clearly states your stance.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific and concrete examples to support your points. For instance, instead of vaguely mentioning bad sellers, you could mention specific incidents or statistics that underline the issue.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors such as subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'numerous websites and applications was released' should be 'numerous websites and applications were released'). Paying attention to these will improve the accuracy and clarity of your writing.
coherence cohesion
The transitions between paragraphs could be smoother. Use more linking words (e.g., 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,') to enhance the flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.
logical structure
You address both the advantages and disadvantages of online shopping, which shows a balanced view.
supported main points
The points you raise are relevant and aligned with the essay topic, keeping the discussion focused.