IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a controversial perspective heating up the debate
that
Change preposition
about
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 whether making online
friendships
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 is
not
Rephrase
as
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 meaningful as those where
people
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 meet each other face-to-face. I consider myself an advocate of
this
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 idea. Without a shadow of a doubt, a relationship where
people
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 meet each other face to face
are
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is
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 able to strengthen
people
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’s connection more than online ones.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that making
friendships
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 online might not be sustainable. Friendship is based truthfully so contacting through the Internet does not have physical interaction, which is one of the main factors in maintaining a friendship. To be more specific, in face-to-face
friendships
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,
people
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 can understand each other through body language and eye contact, which is not typically possible in online
friendships
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.
Thus
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, the absence of physical interaction is a key factor contributing to the perceived lower meaningfulness of online
friendships
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 compared to those formed in person.
On the other hand
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,
People
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 may encounter deceptive individuals when forming
friendships
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 through social media. Particularly, virtual acquaintances on popular platforms like Facebook and Instagram might exploit
people
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's private information and finances through scams. Another significant concern is that malicious individuals could entice others into criminal activities
such
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 as drug use, alcohol abuse, and illegal racing.
Hence
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, forming
friendships
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 in person rather than online is advisable
due to
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 the risks posed by untrustworthy individuals. In conclusion,
while
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 online
friendships
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 may lack the depth of face-to-face relationships, they can offer a unique and engaging way to connect with others through social media platforms.

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task achievement
Ensure that the thesis statement in the introduction clearly reflects the specific argument you will make in the essay. The statement 'I consider myself an advocate of this idea' could be more precise about the argument being made.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points, particularly in the second body paragraph about the risks of online friendships. Detailed examples can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the concluding statement to more explicitly relate back to your main argument. The concluding sentence should reiterate why face-to-face friendships are more meaningful, tying back to your previous points.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph logically flows into the next to enhance the overall coherence. For example, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Main points are clearly presented and supported with arguments.
task achievement
The use of phrases like 'without a shadow of a doubt' and 'to be more specific' enhances the readability of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-verbal communication cues
  • depth of understanding
  • spontaneous
  • genuine moments
  • shared interests
  • sense of physical presence
  • evolve
  • constant connectivity
  • nurture friendships
  • busy schedules
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