Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a controversial perspective heating up the debate
that
whether making online Change preposition
about
friendships
is not
meaningful as those where Rephrase
as
people
meet each other face-to-face. I consider myself an advocate of this
idea.
Without a shadow of a doubt, a relationship where people
meet each other face to face are
able to strengthen Change the verb form
is
people
’s connection more than online ones. This
is due to
the fact that making friendships
online might not be sustainable. Friendship is based truthfully so contacting through the Internet does not have physical interaction, which is one of the main factors in maintaining a friendship. To be more specific, in face-to-face friendships
, people
can understand each other through body language and eye contact, which is not typically possible in online friendships
. Thus
, the absence of physical interaction is a key factor contributing to the perceived lower meaningfulness of online friendships
compared to those formed in person.
On the other hand
, People
may encounter deceptive individuals when forming friendships
through social media. Particularly, virtual acquaintances on popular platforms like Facebook and Instagram might exploit people
's private information and finances through scams. Another significant concern is that malicious individuals could entice others into criminal activities such
as drug use, alcohol abuse, and illegal racing. Hence
, forming friendships
in person rather than online is advisable due to
the risks posed by untrustworthy individuals.
In conclusion, while
online friendships
may lack the depth of face-to-face relationships, they can offer a unique and engaging way to connect with others through social media platforms.Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
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task achievement
Ensure that the thesis statement in the introduction clearly reflects the specific argument you will make in the essay. The statement 'I consider myself an advocate of this idea' could be more precise about the argument being made.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points, particularly in the second body paragraph about the risks of online friendships. Detailed examples can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Clarify the concluding statement to more explicitly relate back to your main argument. The concluding sentence should reiterate why face-to-face friendships are more meaningful, tying back to your previous points.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph logically flows into the next to enhance the overall coherence. For example, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Main points are clearly presented and supported with arguments.
task achievement
The use of phrases like 'without a shadow of a doubt' and 'to be more specific' enhances the readability of the essay.