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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The data provided in the table chart illustrates the amount of money allocated for the police by 3 types of sources, while the pie charts compare the information about the variety of money used in 2 years (2017-2018).

The data provided in the table chart illustrates the amount of money allocated for the police by 3 types of sources, while the pie charts compare the information about the variety of money used in 2 years (2017-2018).
#data #amount #money #police #sources #information #variety #years
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The table provides information about the three
sources
Use synonyms
 of police budget in pounds for two
years
Use synonyms
 from 2017 to 2018,
while
Linking Words
 the pie charts illustrate the spending of their budget in the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 most of their income was generated from the national
government
Use synonyms
 and the amount of money from all
sources
Use synonyms
 increased in two consecutive
years
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, most of their spending was allocated to pay for salaries, followed by payment for
infrasturctures
Correct your spelling
infrastructures
infrastructure
such
Linking Words
 as buildings and transport, and technology development.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, in 2017, most of their income came from the national
government
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
175.5
million
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,
while
Linking Words
 local taxes and other
sources
Use synonyms
, like grants, generated 91.2
million
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 and 38
million
Use synonyms
, respectively. In the following year, the national
government
Use synonyms
 provided 177.8
million
Use synonyms
, making them
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the highest
sources
Use synonyms
 of income for local police in both periods. The amount of money derived from local taxes and other
sources
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 rose as well,
although
Linking Words
 the numbers were still lower than from
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
government
Use synonyms
, at 102.3
million
Use synonyms
 and 38.5
million
Use synonyms
. In total, the police received 304.7
million
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 and 318.6
million
Use synonyms
 over the period of two
years
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most of their budget was allocated for salary
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 in both
years
Use synonyms
,
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 from 75% in 2017 to 69% a year later. Their second proportion of spending is
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 building and transport maintenance and it remained unchanged at 17% in both
years
Use synonyms
. Their smallest spending is for technology usage, which increased from 8% to 14% over the two-year period.
Submitted by michellyonggo on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sources, years, government, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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