SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT LIVING IN BIG CITIES IS BAD FOR PEOPLE’S HEALTH. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
In
some
recent years, the issue of residing in mega Correct quantifier usage
apply
cities
which affects people
's health
badly has gained significant attention. In my opinion, I consider myself as
a proponent of Change preposition
apply
this
idea.
There are justifiable reasons to note that big cities
have some harmful elements to resident's health
. In big cities
, the number of vehicles which emit radial gas
, carbon footprint, and greenhouse gas
are ever-increasing. This
action negatively influences people
's lung cancer. As seen in Hanoi, which is the most remarkable instance, it is a contaminated city because of the great amount of gas
in vehicles. Moreover
, the released gas
can also
lead to respiratory problems such
as asthma which is difficult to treat completely. Hence
, living in the cities
can negatively affect people
's health
.
Admittedly, there is emperical
evidence suggesting that big Correct your spelling
empirical
cities
can trigger bad listening ability. Chief of these is that sound pollution is the annoying sound which affects the relaxation and working process. That is
the reason why people
's health
is greatly affected. Some bad examples are the vehicle's horn, loud
singing can be marked as Correct word choice
and loud
some
noticeable instances which make Correct quantifier usage
apply
people
stressed or even lose their hearing ability. The longer this
phenomenon lasts, the weaker the mental health
or physical health
of urban residents is. Thereby, sound pollution is one of the environmental problems that people
are greatly affected by.
In my conclusion, people
’s health
is more and more affected by some environmental pollution problems which we have to prevent or repell
because of their negative influence.Correct your spelling
repel
repeal
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
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coherence & cohesion
Ensure that there is clear and consistent use of vocabulary to maintain a high level of coherence.
task achievement
Try to further develop some of the ideas and provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help in achieving a more comprehensive response.
general
Maintain formality in language and check for any minor grammatical errors that could hinder clarity.
coherence & cohesion
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, providing a strong overall structure.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing relevant issues related to health impacts in big cities.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples, such as the reference to Hanoi, which adds credibility and relevance to the argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite