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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (1)

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (1)
#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph illustrates the percentage of Australian males and females in various
age
Use synonyms
 groups doing regular physical
activity
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, females account higher than males in all ages, except for
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
 to 24
age
Use synonyms
.
In particular
Linking Words
, the graph has indicated the major gap in 35 to 44
age
Use synonyms
. Looking at the bar graph more closely, one can see that it indicated a 13 per
cent
Use synonyms
 gap between 35 to 44 when compared between women and
men
Use synonyms
 with 39.5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and 52.5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of women.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, females in the 45 to 54
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 increased by
8per
Correct your spelling
8 per
cent
Use synonyms
 point from 52.5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the 35 to 44
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, males in the 45 to 54
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 increased approximately 4 per
cent
Use synonyms
 from 39.5 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the 35 to 44
group
Use synonyms
.
men
Use synonyms
 doing
activity
Use synonyms
 has shown an upward from 35 to 44
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 to 65 and over
group
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, female
activity
Use synonyms
 has illustrated a downward from the 15 to 24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 to the 35 to 44
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
men
Use synonyms
 doing physical
activity
Use synonyms
 went up slightly as they got older .
In contrast
Linking Words
, women doing physical
activity
Use synonyms
 dropped as they got older.
Submitted by garim4645 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, activity, cent, men, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "indicated" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bar chart
  • Percentage
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participation
  • Age group
  • Trend
  • Significant
  • Notable
  • Gender gap
  • Comparative analysis
  • Consistent
  • Decline
  • Progressive
  • Conversely
  • Motivations
  • Barriers
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