The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (1)

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (1)
The bar graph illustrates the percentage of Australian males and females in various
age
groups doing regular physical
activity
in 2010.
Overall
, females account higher than males in all ages, except for
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
to 24
age
.
In particular
, the graph has indicated the major gap in 35 to 44
age
. Looking at the bar graph more closely, one can see that it indicated a 13 per
cent
gap between 35 to 44 when compared between women and
men
with 39.5 per
cent
of
men
and 52.5 per
cent
of women.
Furthermore
, females in the 45 to 54
age
group
increased by
8per
Correct your spelling
8 per
cent
point from 52.5 per
cent
in the 35 to 44
age
group
.
Also
, males in the 45 to 54
age
group
increased approximately 4 per
cent
from 39.5 per
cent
in the 35 to 44
group
.
men
doing
activity
has shown an upward from 35 to 44
age
group
to 65 and over
group
.
By contrast
, female
activity
has illustrated a downward from the 15 to 24
age
group
to the 35 to 44
age
group
. In conclusion,
men
doing physical
activity
went up slightly as they got older .
In contrast
, women doing physical
activity
dropped as they got older.
Submitted by garim4645 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, activity, cent, men, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "indicated" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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