Some people think that the government should provide assistance to all kinds of artists including painters, musicians, poets. However, other people think that is a waste of money for providing this assistance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The past 20 years have witnessed the issue of
government
funding addresses
the public's attention. Some Correct subject-verb agreement
address
people
argue that these
financial funding should be put on artists by the governments, Correct determiner usage
this
whereas
many others believe that they should not put those money
on artists, which leads to wasting money. Before giving my opinion, let’s analyze the thoughts of both sides.
The supporters of investing in the Change the determiner
that money
arts
argue that it can help locals develop the ability of admiring
beauty. Recent studies indicate that Replace the preposition
to admire
arts
can release people
’s stress. For example
, those who go to museums and art exhibitions can feel relaxed. Therefore
, there is no doubt that the government
should fund money on
Change preposition
for
arts
, and
it gives Correct word choice
as
people
areas to de-stress their pressure. Additionally
, arts
carry the culture of a country. For instance
, China has special draws which reflect contemporary customs. As a result
, it is possible for the government
to invest in the arts
because it is convenient for people
to understand culture.
On the other hand
, others are strong advocates of refusing funding on
Change preposition
for
arts
, which means that there are other important things that should be financed by governments, such
as education
and health care. There is sufficient evidence to show that education
can cultivate people
’s talents. For instance
, those countries which have good education
for people
, and people
would receive very well paid in the future. By contrast
, those who don't acquire excellent education
, people
universally work with low level
jobs. Add a hyphen
low-level
As a consequence
, the government
should fund people
's education
.
In conclusion, both arguments have their merits. Personally, the government
should pay more attention to education
and give financial support on this
aspect although
the arts
can adjust our mood and comprehend culture.Submitted by jenny.luo000111 on
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coherence cohesion
Focus on refining the logical structure by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This can be improved by using clearer topic sentences and linking phrases.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments. This will help to strengthen your points and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
Clarify your arguments further to ensure ideas are communicated clearly and comprehensively. Avoid vague statements and ensure each point is fully explained.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the discussion effectively.
complete response
There is a balanced discussion of both views, showing an understanding of the topic from different perspectives.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay attempts to address all parts of the prompt and provides a personal opinion in the conclusion.
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