Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Many people believe that the government should invest more money in
sport
opportunities for average inhabitants, rather than training only a few individuals for the Olympics. In my opinion, it is crucial to help the society stay healthyChange the noun form
sports
,
and develop in physical Remove the comma
apply
movement
.
It is commonly known that people who are regularly exercising are more efficient at work. Physical movement
has a great influence on our memory, as well as
resilience. Workers who would be encouraged to stay healthy would, for example
, achieve more goals at work and that could be beneficial for the government. Furthermore
, teaching people about sports and healthy diets will help the environment. In present times, many of us use cars to transport everyday
and eat a lot of junk food. Spreading awareness about climate change could encourage a plethora of individuals, Replace the word
every day
for instance
, to ride a bike to school or work, or eat less fast food. Thanks to that, politicians can be portrayed as activists who are trying to save the Earth. Moreover
, making young ones aware of the importance of physical movement
and a well balanced
diet, can create a strong and intelligent generation in the future. It is known that eating healthy ingredients has a positive outcome on our bodies and brains. Add a hyphen
well-balanced
Also
, teaching about our ecosystem and the necessity of doing sports can help raise an aware generation who, for example
, will be more responsible about taking care of their future children.
To sum
up
everything that has been said, the government should focus on the whole society and help it to become more concerned about Add a comma
up,
their
health issues. It is important to be aware of climate changes, Correct pronoun usage
its
as well as
the advantages of a well balanced
diet and physical Add a hyphen
well-balanced
movement
.Submitted by bandrowskaagnieszka1 on
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task achievement
While your essay demonstrates a clear position and provides relevant points, it could be strengthened by offering more specific examples and elaborating on some of your arguments. This will enhance your overall persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a logical structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, consider refining your transitions between paragraphs to improve the overall flow of your ideas. Use more cohesive devices such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', and 'consequently' to link your points more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear and relevant introduction that sets the context and states your position on the topic effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your key points and reiterates your position, providing a sense of closure.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
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