IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Nowadays culture is much the same all around the world when compared to previous times. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#culture #world #times #development
I would like to say that after the internet developed every
countires
Correct your spelling
country
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 connected by
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 or gaming,
straming
Verb problem
apply
show examples
such
 as Youtube and
Instargram
Correct your spelling
Instagram
. It is
fabulous
Correct article usage
a fabulous
show examples
 situation even
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
was
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not exist until 2008.
However
, now most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
; without 3rd world and
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
undeveloped countries. are
possible
Correct word choice
able
show examples
 to travel in their
room
Fix the agreement mistake
rooms
show examples
 to use VR:
virtual
Correct word choice
and virtual
show examples
 reality technology, and these fantastic technologies
are evoke
Change the verb form
are evoked
are evoking
show examples
people
getting
Change the verb form
to get
show examples
 closer
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
 time.
Nevertheless
, I would like to say that
this
 is
kind
Correct article usage
a kind
show examples
 of
Correct article usage
a double-edge
show examples
double-edge
Correct your spelling
double-edged
show examples
 sword.
As
Change preposition
From
show examples
 a negative point of view, the meaning of history and tradition
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
dissapear
Correct your spelling
disappear
.
For example
, in the case of Korea, they could not have
marry
Change the verb form
married
show examples
 if
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
sir
Change noun form
sir's
show examples
 name
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
. It was
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
prevent to DNA
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 by their
blood line
Correct your spelling
bloodline
show examples
,
however
, since 1924, they do not care anymore. Before 1924,
Korean
Fix the agreement mistake
Koreans
show examples
were follow
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
important
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
such
 as using special
symbol
Fix the agreement mistake
symbols
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
last
 name.
According to
this
 rule,
people
 were much
easily
Correct quantifier usage
more easily
show examples
recognise
Wrong verb form
recognised
show examples
 who is their cousin, but,
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
100 years ago, now
this
 rule
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 totally meaningless.
Nevertheless
, not
everythings
Correct your spelling
everything
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 negative
due to
 sometimes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great power
came
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 from diversity
such
 as USA. Based on
understandable
Correct article usage
an understandable
show examples
 mind with enough
educate
Replace the word
education
show examples
, the true meaning of
collaborate
Replace the word
collaboration
show examples
woul
Correct your spelling
would
 lead
people
 to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 great future.
Submitted by bitnara01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on the essay's structure. Ensure it includes a clear introduction and conclusion. Breaking down your essay into well-defined paragraphs aids in reader comprehension.
coherence cohesion
Focus on enhancing logical flow by using linking words and phrases. This helps in guiding the reader from one point to another seamlessly.
task achievement
Revisit your main points and ensure they strongly support your stance. Clarify your ideas, so they are comprehensive and convey your argument effectively.
overall
Use more varied and precise vocabulary to express your ideas. This will give your essay a more polished and professional tone.
overall
Improve your grammatical accuracy. Minor mistakes can affect the clarity of your writing. Proofreading can help catch these errors.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic effectively, considering both positive and negative aspects.
task achievement
The example provided about Korean traditions, though needing refinement, adds depth to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: