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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think students should study the science of food. Others think students should spend time on important subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a debate over whether
students
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 should learn the
science
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 of
food
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 and cooking or focus entirely on academic
subjects
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.
While
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 both perspectives have merit, I personally believe that
food
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education
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 should be included alongside other
subjects
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. Supporters of
food
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education
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 argue that understanding nutrition is essential for a healthy lifestyle. Nowadays, many people are unable to control themselves from eating unhealthy
food
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such
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 as fast
food
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, which often prevents them from staying fit and avoiding obesity.
Therefore
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, young individuals need knowledge of how diet and healthy meals affect their bodies.
For instance
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,
students
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 who learn how to prepare balanced dishes are more likely to adopt healthy habits.
Thus
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,
food
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science
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 can have a lasting positive impact on their well-being and prove highly beneficial in the future.
On the contrary
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, it is argued that
subjects
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such
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 as mathematics,
science
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, and languages should take priority. These
subjects
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 often lead to higher
education
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 and professional careers.
For example
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, a strong background in mathematics and
science
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 provides the foundation for fields like engineering and finance.
Therefore
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, critics believe that
food
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education
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 should not take time away from essential academic learning. In my view, schools should try to combine both approaches.
While
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 academic knowledge is vital for future employment, ignoring health
education
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 may create long-term problems. A balanced schedule that includes
food
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science
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 alongside core
subjects
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 can ensure that
students
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 are not only knowledgeable but
also
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 healthy. In conclusion,
although
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 academic
subjects
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 are crucial for career success,
food
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science
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also
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 plays an important role in preparing
students
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 for real life. A balanced approach where schools teach both can help develop healthier and more capable future generations.

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coherence
Use clearer links to move from one idea to the next in each part.
structure
Make your view clear in opening and repeat it in the end.
task
Add more real and exact examples about food and health.
grammar
Try shorter sentences and a mix of long and short for better style.
lexical
Choose simple words well; keep to the most common words.
content
You show a clear view on the issue.
structure
The essay has a good plan with start, middle and end.
analysis
You use points to back up your view about both sides.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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