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Some People Believe That Children Should Not Be Given Homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #homework #teachers #role #education
I would like to say that after the internet developed every country
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 connected by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social networks or gaming,
such
 as
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 and Instagram. It is a fabulous situation even smartphones did not exist until 2008.
However
, now most
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
; without the 3rd world and a few undeveloped countries. are able to travel in their room to use VR
: Virtual
Correct your spelling
and virtual
 Reality. technology, and these fantastic technologies
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 evoked
people
 to get closer with time.
Nevertheless
, I would like to say that
this
 is a kind of double-edged sword. From a negative point of view, the meaning of history and tradition
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
disappear
Wrong verb form
disappeared
show examples
.
For example
, in the case of Korea, they could not have married if their sir's name was the same. It was
prevent
Wrong verb form
prevented
show examples
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 DNA issues
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their bloodline,
however
, since 1924, they do not care anymore. Before 1924, Koreans followed important rules
such
 as using special symbols in their
last
 name.
According to
this
 rule,
people
 were much more easily recognised who is their cousin, but 100 years ago, now
this
 rule was totally meaningless.
Nevertheless
, not everything is negative
due to
 sometimes great power comes from diversity
such
 as USA. Based on an understandable mind with enough education, the true meaning of collaboration would lead
people
 to a great future.
Submitted by bitnara01 on

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task achievement
Your essay has confusing points and it doesn't address the main topic directly. Always ensure you answer the task prompt clearly. For example, this essay should discuss whether children should be given homework, but it touches more on technology and cultural changes.
coherence cohesion
There should be a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay lacks a proper conclusion and the introduction doesn’t effectively set up the topic. A clear beginning and end help make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of your essay are hard to follow due to abrupt shifts in ideas. Try to use transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly. Each paragraph should focus on a single point.
task achievement
There are few examples that directly support your points about homework or children's education. Next time, include specific and relevant examples related to the main topic to bolster your argument.
task achievement
Your essay shows awareness of modern developments and how they impact society. This observation can be useful when directly linking it to the essay's topic.
coherence cohesion
You have made some interesting points about culture and historical changes, which reveal depth in your thinking. These ideas can be very effective when organized and presented more clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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