Some People Believe That Children Should Not Be Given Homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I would like to say that after the internet developed every country
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
connected by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social networks or gaming,
such
Linking Words
as
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
and Instagram. It is a fabulous situation even smartphones did not exist until 2008.
However
Linking Words
, now most
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
; without the 3rd world and a few undeveloped countries. are able to travel in their room to use VR
: Virtual
Correct your spelling
and virtual
Reality. technology, and these fantastic technologies
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
evoked
people
Use synonyms
to get closer with time.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I would like to say that
this
Linking Words
is a kind of double-edged sword. From a negative point of view, the meaning of history and tradition
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
disappear
Wrong verb form
disappeared
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in the case of Korea, they could not have married if their sir's name was the same. It was
prevent
Wrong verb form
prevented
show examples
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
DNA issues
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
their bloodline,
however
Linking Words
, since 1924, they do not care anymore. Before 1924, Koreans followed important rules
such
Linking Words
as using special symbols in their
last
Linking Words
name.
According to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
rule,
people
Use synonyms
were much more easily recognised who is their cousin, but 100 years ago, now
this
Linking Words
rule was totally meaningless.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, not everything is negative
due to
Linking Words
sometimes great power comes from diversity
such
Linking Words
as USA. Based on an understandable mind with enough education, the true meaning of collaboration would lead
people
Use synonyms
to a great future.
Submitted by bitnara01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay has confusing points and it doesn't address the main topic directly. Always ensure you answer the task prompt clearly. For example, this essay should discuss whether children should be given homework, but it touches more on technology and cultural changes.
coherence cohesion
There should be a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay lacks a proper conclusion and the introduction doesn’t effectively set up the topic. A clear beginning and end help make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Some parts of your essay are hard to follow due to abrupt shifts in ideas. Try to use transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly. Each paragraph should focus on a single point.
task achievement
There are few examples that directly support your points about homework or children's education. Next time, include specific and relevant examples related to the main topic to bolster your argument.
task achievement
Your essay shows awareness of modern developments and how they impact society. This observation can be useful when directly linking it to the essay's topic.
coherence cohesion
You have made some interesting points about culture and historical changes, which reveal depth in your thinking. These ideas can be very effective when organized and presented more clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: